Random Pictures

K's Birthday Party


C'mon, Daddy, let's get this slide on!

Redneck Water Slide


Making music (thank you, Aunt Jean, for teaching him this - I'm sure our social worker would be impressed)!

Working hard

Cooling off

The Maiden Voyage (first time riding in the road)

Happy 1st Birthday sweet girl. Never in a million years would I have believed that we would not be together for your special day. Even though you are 6,433 miles away, I hope you know you are safe in our hearts. There are a lot of people fighting for you. With luck, they will be successful and we will be a family one day soon.

We're having a party here at home for you tonight. Your big brother will blow out your candle for you. I've arranged something special for you and your brothers and sisters in the orphanage - I hope it happens.

CALL TO ACTION

I feel honored to have been invited to help represent the 65 waiting families at a meeting with the Kyrgyz Delegation on Friday, May 29, in Washington D.C. The meeting is planned for 11-12:30 EST and is being hosted by Department of State. In attendance will be representatives from 6 families with ties to Kyrgyzstan adoption, members of JCICS and the Kyrgyz Delegation. The Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute has also secured a meeting with Members of Congress which is scheduled to occur at 2:00 p.m. EST. We are hopeful that these meetings will put a personal spin on our plea and arm the delegation with resources and information to take back to Kyrgyzstan to present to key decision makers.

Please take a moment to read the Call to Action below issued by JCICS and consider taking time out of your busy schedules to make a phone call or two on Tuesday. I'm sure each and every one of our waiting children would be grateful for your support.

CALL TO ACTION: Kyrgyzstan

Dear Friends and Families,

As noted in Joint Council's President & CEO's communication yesterday Joint Council has worked closely with the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute (CCAI) to secure a 15 minute meeting with Congressional Staffers and the six families traveling to Washington D.C. to represent the group. The meeting and will occur just before the Kyrgyz delegation meets with Congressional staffers. In order to ensure that as many Congressional Offices are in attendance at the two meetings Joint Council is initiating a Call to Action requesting the 65 families contact their Senators and Congressmen. Joint Council requests that all families contact their U.S. Senators and Congress persons on Tuesday, May 26th. The purpose of your call is to request they attend the meetings on Friday, May 29th. Please note that Friday, May 29th is during a Congressional Recess.

On Tuesday, May 26th we request that you do the following:

1) Call both of your U.S. Senators and your representatives in the U.S. House of Representatives:

You can find your Senators' phone numbers and email address at www.senate.gov

You can find your Representatives' phone numbers and email address at www.house.gov

2) Include the following in your calls and emails:

"As constituents, I/we urge the Senator/Congressperson to attend the meeting with Kyrgyz officials hosted by Senator Landrieu and the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute on Friday, May 29th."

If they have not heard about the meeting, ask them to contact the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute at (202) 544-8500 or Joint Council at (703) 535-8045.

3) Send an email to everyone you called:

The email is important, but the phone call should be placed first.

Additionally, feel free to forward this request to your friends and family, asking them to contact their Senators and Congress persons requesting they attend the meeting.

Thank you!

Rebecca Harris
Government Relations and Communications Manager

Kevin

Five years ago today, I stood in front of God, my family, my friends and married my best friend. Today's post is dedicated to my husband, the love of my life.

I think it's pretty rare these days to find a truly healthy relationship. People don't believe me when I say we don't fight. Do we get on each other's nerves now and again, sure; do we disagree about things, sure; but one thing we do not do is yell, scream, or disrespect each other. We are different people living the same life and we strive to make it work. We have been through a lot in our 8 years together. We've had some incredibly happy, crazy times together and we've shared a lot of sorrow. We've been through two major moves, the loss of loved ones, 3 years of infertility treatment, 1 lightening fast international adoption and another stalled in process. We've dealt with a lot of financial difficulty as a result of all of the above. Any of those things could've resulted in us drifting apart, but instead, we have grown stronger as a couple.

Kevin is by far one of the most caring, compassionate men I've ever known. He is intelligent, loving, honest, hardworking and the BEST father E could ever ask for. He loves me unconditionally and reminds me every day that I am a beautiful person (despite my extra 40 pounds). He is supportive, kind and genuine.

So, today, my dear - Happy Anniversary! Thank you for always being there to support me. Thank you for loving me no matter what. Thank you for always treating me with respect. Thank you for being the most patient, loving and amazing father to E. I look forward to all the future will bring for us.

A Really Hard Day

This is not a fluffy, happy post, so consider yourself warned.

Today I went shopping - alone. While I love my guy more than anything, I will admit when I have serious shopping to do, going it alone is a treat. My goal today was to find outfits for an upcoming wedding. I wear scrubs every day and cargo pants/T-shirts on the weekend. Esen is growing too fast and is too down and dirty to really have a "dress" wardrobe. Shopping for clothes is hard for me to begin with - I'm tall and not exactly svelte and I HATE to spend money on clothes. Scrounging through clearance racks of three stores I managed to put together a reasonable outfit for myself (for only $19 mind you-a savings of just over $60), so that was a small victory. Trying to find clothes for a rapidly growing, tall but very slim 3 yr old boy is tough, too. As I wandered through the infant/toddler sections I found it really hard to hold back the tears. There were racks upon racks of beautiful, cute little dresses that I should've been looking through for K. She was supposed to be home. She was supposed to come to this wedding with us, to this afternoon's birthday party with us, on vacation in August with us. She will not be with us. She continues to languish in an orphanage. She continues to grow older not knowing how it feels to be loved. She continues to change - physically - not receiving the medical care she desperately needs.

We had a conference call this week that brought more frustrating news. Adoptions will probably not be back on the agenda until after the elections in July. If anyone has followed the recent political turmoil I don't have to tell you what this means. For those who haven't, it means July will come and with it more excuses. If a new president is elected, who knows what the future will hold for our children. If the current president stays in office, there will likely be more political unrest halting the processing of our adoptions indefinitely.

We continue to be told that our cases WILL be processed, it's just a matter of WHEN. After all of the lies and excuses, I'm finding it pretty difficult to believe that statement to be true. Why would they lie about everything else, but be truthful about that.

Meanwhile, I go through the motions of each day. I get up, go to work, come home and do it all over again the next day. For the most part, I put on my happy face and hide my hurting heart. I don't know if I will ever bring K home, if I will ever hold her, fall in love with her, show her that she is important and valued. For the first time, I feel really hopeless. I have serious doubts that adoptions are going to continue in Kyrgyzstan this year. I don't know where this journey is taking us, but I do know that I will not give up on K until every last door is slammed shut. I know that we will trudge forward and deal with the daily disappointments. I know it is not over yet. But today, hard as it is for me to admit, I am weak and I am really, really sad.

MY Day

So, people call it a Hallmark Holiday, but I will be the first to admit, I LOVE Mother's Day. It's a day when all the busy, sometimes under-appreciated mom's out there get a pat on the back for all they do. I know I grew up not telling my mom often enough how much I appreciated all she did for me. I know I gave her lots of gray hairs and many sleepless nights. I also know that without her I wouldn't be the woman or the mom I am today. So, to my mom - THANK YOU!

I feel so blessed today to be Mom to one of the coolest, most adorable little guys on the planet. In the business of day to day life when we're worrying about schedules and messes and bills (oh the many, many bills), we sometimes forget just how important people are in our lives. E is definitely by far the most important thing in my life and today I will hold him tighter.

I know today is a bittersweet day for many moms still waiting to bring their children home from Kyrgyzstan. It is for me, too. My heart hurts for K, but today, selfishly, it hurts for me, too. I want her home! To all of the waiting moms, my virtual friends, Happy Mother's Day! You are strong, loving women - moms already who are fighting for their children even though they are not physically with you yet. Hopefully this week brings good news for all of us!

Oh Lord - my bestest Kyrgyz Adoptive Mama Blog Buddy, Michelle, has bestowed upon me the great honor "Queen of ALLL things Awe-summm". While I sure don't see myself as such, how can I possibly argue with a doctor, wife and mommy of four.

Now, I have to think of 7 things awesome about myself. Pretty daunting task for an average, working-class, Wisconsin girl, but I'll do my best.

1. I am mommy to the coolest, smartest, cutest, funniest kid in the world! Okay, maybe that makes him Awe-summm, but anyway.....

2. I am "street" smart. Yup - a warning to my children present and future: Whatever it is that's against the rules, DON'T do it and if you do, DON'T lie about it! I have been there, done it, lied about it and eventually got caught (for most of it anyway).

3. I am honest. Want to know something...anything...just ask, I will give it to you straight. Honesty can be pretty hard to come by in this world today and this is one quality I think DOES make me Awe-summm!

4. I'm determined. C'mon, tell me I can't do something - I dare ya'. Once I set my mind to something - it WILL happen.

5. I can multi-task like crazy! Whether it's work or home, I can always seem to get a million things done in half the time it would take someone else to do them.

6. I go to great lengths to preserve E's history. I keep all of his artwork, therapy reports, medical reports, special toys, party decorations, etc., labeled and packed away. I keep a scrapbook (although I'm many months behind on it) so that he has a record of his life. Perhaps one day he'll realize I'm just a big dork, but for now - it's pretty cool.

7. I know what is to love and be loved unconditionally - for that, my husband is the one who deserves to be crowned King of ALLL things Awe-summm!

I am supposed to tag seven fellow bloggers. I'm sure some have already been tagged because they are certainly all very deserving of this title. All are adoptive mamas - some current and some in process. All are intelligent, caring, hard-working women and 2 are fellow Wisconsinites.

Pamela; Kimberly; Ann; Jes; Cyndi; Janiece; Lisa

Happy Birthday!!

Happy Birthday to my little monkey! I can't hardly believe E is three already. I have said it before and I'll say it again....it seems like just yesterday that he came home so tiny and fragile. Now he is a full-fledged little boy.
On this day, I always think about E's birthmom and wonder what she is doing, if she is happy and healthy, if she thinks of him. We'll probably never know the true circumstances behind his relinquishment or whether or not she would've kept him if she could. We'll never know if it was a difficult decision for her or if it was just the logical next step. It really doesn't matter that much. It is what it is and he is ours and we love him more than anything in the world. I will always feel gratitude toward this woman I have never met for going through her pregnancy and giving birth to our son. She could've easily chosen a different path. I admire her for her courage and for choosing life for E.

TWO YEARS!

Two years ago today, I met my hero! Even better was that I get to call myself his mom. I will never forget the day we walked into that orphanage a couple and walked out a family. It was exciting, emotional and undoubtedly one of the scariest days of my life! I absolutely cannot believe that it's already been 2 whole years. E has changed my life not only in the obvious ways, but my whole outlook on the world. He has made me a better person and I hope everyday that I am doing everything I can to keep him happy and healthy. Here's a few photos from that special day in 2007.

First Meeting


Signing Paperwork (I still no idea what it was I was signing!)


First Family Photo


Our Tiny Guy (after we got him back to the hotel and unbundled him)


Today, as usual, we took off work and had family photos done. Then it was off to Chuck E Cheese and the Zoo.

Family Photo (sorry, we had to airbrush K out for this posting)


Zoo Playground


"Wac-a-Letter"


My Silly Guy


"Ready to Work"


BIG Almost 3-year-old!


HAPPY ADOPTION DAY BABY!

GI Jane? Nope...GI K!

Thanks to our WONDERFUL and AMAZING translator/driver/facilitator's son, we have received new pictures of our beautiful baby girl. It seems everyone got "haircuts" again. She looks great - TINY, but great! We also received measurements and she's about the same size E was at her age. With her special needs, I'd say that's pretty good.

Intercountry adoption is on the agenda for tomorrow's Parliamentary plenary meeting, so everyone please keep fingers crossed for positive news that we will all soon move forward.

Dare I say....

...I see a light at the end of the tunnel?

I've struggled this week with whether or not to put into words the hope and positivity I'm feeling. This process has been so fraught with uncertainty I'm almost afraid that if I talk about "the good" I'm going to jinx it. Mind you, before adoption, I was not really a superstitious person - yet another thing about me that has changed.

Without sharing too much detail, it appears the issue of Intercountry Adoption has been raised amongst the powers-that-be in Kyrgyzstan. Even better is that the conversations have trended toward positive lately instead of negative. Currently, there is no concrete, confirmed information coming out of Kyrgyzstan about the future of adoptions or the cases stalled in-process. There are a lot of theories floating around that seem to indicate that adoptions will indeed continue, it's just a matter of when.

That said, I still grieve for the time we've lost with K, but am more confident now than before that she will eventually come home to us.

There will be another conference call this coming Wednesday, during which I hope to learn that the 65 children who have been waiting to be united with their forever families are going to be coming home - SOON! I will try to post an update later next week.

Thank you for your continued prayers for us and all of the waiting orphans. Happy Easter!

9 Months

We were told she'd be home by the time she was 4 months old. Today our precious girl is 9 months old. Hang on, sweetie, we'll get there!

Spring?

Seems like an eternity again since I've last posted. On the adoption front, I'm afraid there is absolutely nothing to share. We've received no photos or updates on K since mid-January and the process in Kyrgyzstan appears to continue it's stall. Every Monday I wake and convince myself "this is the week" and every Friday I concede to the fact that I was wrong again. The arbitrary date of April 2nd has been thrown out most recently as a day to anticipate a meeting or announcement of some sort. For now, that's what I'll cling to.

Around here, we are preparing for Spring. As is pretty typical here in Wisconsin, the weather has been just plain weird. It was 75 degrees last Tuesday and yesterday we woke to a dusting of snow on the ground. It IS coming, though - the brown grass is plainly visible as is all the dirt, dead leaves, and litter that lay buried beneath the snow all winter. We are slowly beginning the big clean up.

We have so many projects lined up for spring. Part of me is anxious to get them all done in a hurry so we'll be ready to take off and bring K home. The other part of me just doesn't know where to begin.

The last portion of our downstairs that isn't finished is being converted to a very cool kids' playroom. Thanks to my wonderful and talented Dad, the construction part of it is all handled. We just have to get off our duffs and do the painting.

We are going to be buying/building a play set for E (and K) and I hope to have that done before his birthday.

Our cedar fence is in desperate need of staining. We need to put a border in along our hedges out front to contain the few rocks that are left. Then there's raking, window washing, garden planting, and all the other fun stuff that will make it look like summer around here.

E has been terribly sick on and off for the last 2 months. He can't seem to go with more than a week healthy. This morning he had another febrile seizure which is exhausting for him and takes a couple more years off Mommy's and Daddy's lives. As a result Kevin and I have had way too many days off work lately. Hopefully with the warmer weather he will get back to his crazy, silly, healthy self.

We have been able to get out on some of the nice days when E is feeling good and go to the park, fly kites (his newest passion), blow bubbles, and draw pictures all over Daddy's pristine driveway. :)

He's also graduated to Perch swimming class. That means he goes all by himself now without Mommy or Daddy - pretty impressive! Unfortunately 2 of the last 3 classes he's been sick so he hasn't been able to go.

Here's a few pics of our springtime fun!

time to raise the flags:

flying his kite:

that's his - waaaay up there:

giving Daddy some advice:


at the park:

Ten Things......

I'm "stealing" a post from fellow blogger and adoptive parent, Cindy. She has been such an inspiration and voice of reason for me over the last 2 years. She always seems to be able to eloquently express emotions, struggles and joys that she and so many adoptive parents feel. Please take a look - click here

I'll warn you - if you are new to her blog, you won't be able to stop reading!

Tagged

I've been tagged by Ann and Laura.

The directions... Go to your fourth photo file location and post your fourth photo in that file - NO cheating! If you're reading this, consider yourself tagged! :)

I wasn't really surprised to find that my fourth photo in my fourth file was adoption related - I think 90% of my pictures relate in some way to E. This was an "oldie", though. Thanks to my sister-in-law for this beautiful cake she had made for my shower before E came home!

Here's a cute little game that Janiece passed on to me. I ended up with the letter T.

Here are the rules…If you want to play, leave a comment on this post letting me know, and I’ll assign you a letter. You write about ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place. When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on and on!

Here's my 10 in no particular order!

1. Today - I love that I got to wake up this morning and spend another day on this Earth.

2. Toni - E's teacher at school. She is one of the most incredibly patient and talented women I have ever met! She truly loves "her kids" and E truly loves her. It is because of her that I can feel safe and comfortable leaving E every day.

3. Twenty-four - It's my favorite number! Kevin and I started dating on the 24th, we moved into our first home on the 24th, moved into our second home on the 24th and most importantly, E became our son on the 24th! Incidently we were married on the 22nd, and received E's referral on the 27th.

4. Toddler - I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE my toddler! I had to work him in here, somewhere - he doesn't have a 'T' name.

5. Turtle anything - my indulgent love - Turtle cheesecake, turtle ice cream, turtle candies, turtle sundaes, if it's turtle, I love it! Okay, maybe not turtle soup......

6. Tatoos - Perhaps a surprise to some, but I have a few and if it were socially acceptable (and free), I'd probably be covered in them!

7. Technology - I am so grateful for the support and friendship I have found during our adoption processes thanks to technology.

8. Tulips - one of my very favorite flowers, expecially because when they come up in my yard I know spring is close!

9. Telephone - I'm more addicted to my computer now than my telephone, but I still love hearing a friendly voice on the other end!

10. Tomorrow - I started with loving today, I will certainly love tomorrow!

One step forward....

As many of you know, our adoption journey has been fraught with uncertainty and fear the last several months. For the first time in a while, we have been given a small, concrete, piece of hope that this IS truly going to happen. There are a lot of important people involved in trying to resolve the issues surrounding inter-country adoption from Kyrgyzstan and for them, we are thankful! It is our sincere hope that the coming week provides the 60+ waiting families promising news with regards to bringing their beautiful children home. As I have stated, I must be a little careful about posting details (as this is a public blog), but I will say that for now, we are more hopeful than ever that we will have our precious girl in our arms someday.

Family Getaway

Last weekend we spent a wonderful 2 days at the Atlantis Hotel & Waterpark in WI Dells. It was a much needed break from all the stress of the last several weeks. The waterpark is open to children only under 11 so it was great to be able to allow E to explore and be silly without having to worry about crazy adults and teenagers plowing him down. He absolutely loved it and we were all pretty exhausted and waterlogged by Sunday afternoon. Most importantly, it was a chance to get away and just celebrate being a family. Here's a few of my favorites from the weekend.

....and the wait continues....

Not too much else to say right now. The officials are back from holiday, everyone is in place, yet nothing is happening. There is still no one that can provide any sort of estimated timeline for all of us waiting families.

On a brighter note, we received 2 new photos of K from our coordinator today. They are a little dark and blurry, but she looks pretty darn good. There is some confusion regarding the measurements that accompanied the photos. I'm hoping they are truly not hers. If they are, they reveal that while she has grown 2 inches, her weight remains unchanged from nearly 3 months ago. With her complex medical needs, this has been our biggest fear. She is at extraordinary risk for infection and malnutrition and if she has stopped gaining weight we have much reason to worry. That being said, I haven't traditionally put a great deal of stock in measurements received because there is simply no standardized method of obtaining accurate weights or measurements over there. Hopefully we will receive word in the next few days that the information from today was indeed, inaccurate.

So, we continue to hope and pray for a resolution to the delays. K will be 7 months old this coming Sunday. I pray that we will be together next month!

Raw Honesty and Emotion

I am posting today, with her permission, a letter written by a fellow blogger and Kyrgyz PAP to her agency representative. It is one of the most touching, honest and couragous letters I have read.

Please let me preface this by sharing some of my feelings about it. I am not as eloquent a writer as she, so bear with me.

This process has been, to say the least, one of the most scary and frustrating things I have ever been through. We (PAP's) are reminded every single day by family, friends, government officials and agency representatives that we must remain positive, have faith and trust in the process. I cannot count how many times I have heard "if it's meant to happen, it will - just be patient". Most days, I will agree, but there are many days where I would like to respond with "that's a load of crap". The fact is, we are completely powerless, at the mercy of people we don't know. We have no idea what is going on with these children and that hurts. For those who have children at home, imagine spending 6, 7, 8, and in some cases even 9 months over 6000 miles away from them with no contact and tell me how sad and worried you would be every day. Add to that the stress of not knowing when or if you will ever be reunited. Just because we don't have a piece of paper yet that says they are ours, in our hearts, they are. For most of us, we don't have a large group of loved ones that can possibly understand what we're going through and that is hard, too. That's why I am so incredibly grateful for my virtual family. We are scattered all over the US, but I can always log on and find someone who will "listen", commiserate, and help lift me up. I hope that I have done the same for them.

I have a lot of good days where I am happy and hopeful, but they are often overshadowed by the bad ones. I am a firm believer in the power of positive thinking, but as L states in her letter below, this process has at times shaken my faith in God and humanity. Please pay close attention to the last line of the following letter and excuse me for my bad days because I am definitely not in my right mind sometimes.

E's adoption was ridiculously fast and smooth, but K's has not been. I know if and when we bring her home it will all have been worth it, but right now I am hurting along with about 60+ other families stuck in the uncertainty of the current delays.

Without further adieu - the letter that inspired me to have the guts to share this with you:

"...I will continue to worry. I have lost much of my faith in the possibility that any part of this adoption will run smoothly. I am now terrified that the letters will come and ours will all sit on a desk with no one to handle them.I am not placing blame, but it has been just one horrible turn after another. I have come to expect the next catastrophe.I am outraged that the Kyrgyz officials have not had the foresight or compassion to protect the rights of their most vulnerable citizens. But even more, I am incredibly frustrated by our lack of voice in advocating for our children (not biologically, or legally ours but in our minds, hearts and souls, they are) and feeling that no one else can or is willing to move mountains for them like we feel they should. To us it feels the world should stand still until this is fixed!The only thing that could bring relief is to have complete faith that EVERYTHING that can be done - is being done. I do not feel this is the case right now.We live with this frustration and pain 24/7 and it wears down our spirit. The only time I am not feeling sad and helpless is when I am trying to find a means to fight for them, but that is also to no avail. I am not exaggerating to say that losing our baby boy was less painful than this process has been.I know it must be hard and frustrating for you as well. I guess I just need for you to know that you are now dealing with a group of frenzied, heartbroken, parents that are half out of their minds with worry. But I am sure you already know this. I do not think most of us are behaving in our normal manner. It is not my nature to be suspicious and un-trusting. However, I am constantly wondering who is telling a lie, or hiding information in regards to the adoption. I no longer trust my own instincts or gut feelings in this area. It is the most bizarre emotional experience I have ever had. And frankly it has been trying my faith that God is watching over me and my family.So I pray for a happy ending for all. I can't comprehend the depth and breadth of the damage that could be done if this were to fall through for us and the many children waiting. But please, in the meantime, excuse my behavior and my questions and all that must be annoying for all of you dealing with all of us. Truly, we are not in our right minds."