TWO YEARS!

Two years ago today, I met my hero! Even better was that I get to call myself his mom. I will never forget the day we walked into that orphanage a couple and walked out a family. It was exciting, emotional and undoubtedly one of the scariest days of my life! I absolutely cannot believe that it's already been 2 whole years. E has changed my life not only in the obvious ways, but my whole outlook on the world. He has made me a better person and I hope everyday that I am doing everything I can to keep him happy and healthy. Here's a few photos from that special day in 2007.

First Meeting


Signing Paperwork (I still no idea what it was I was signing!)


First Family Photo


Our Tiny Guy (after we got him back to the hotel and unbundled him)


Today, as usual, we took off work and had family photos done. Then it was off to Chuck E Cheese and the Zoo.

Family Photo (sorry, we had to airbrush K out for this posting)


Zoo Playground


"Wac-a-Letter"


My Silly Guy


"Ready to Work"


BIG Almost 3-year-old!


HAPPY ADOPTION DAY BABY!

GI Jane? Nope...GI K!

Thanks to our WONDERFUL and AMAZING translator/driver/facilitator's son, we have received new pictures of our beautiful baby girl. It seems everyone got "haircuts" again. She looks great - TINY, but great! We also received measurements and she's about the same size E was at her age. With her special needs, I'd say that's pretty good.

Intercountry adoption is on the agenda for tomorrow's Parliamentary plenary meeting, so everyone please keep fingers crossed for positive news that we will all soon move forward.

Dare I say....

...I see a light at the end of the tunnel?

I've struggled this week with whether or not to put into words the hope and positivity I'm feeling. This process has been so fraught with uncertainty I'm almost afraid that if I talk about "the good" I'm going to jinx it. Mind you, before adoption, I was not really a superstitious person - yet another thing about me that has changed.

Without sharing too much detail, it appears the issue of Intercountry Adoption has been raised amongst the powers-that-be in Kyrgyzstan. Even better is that the conversations have trended toward positive lately instead of negative. Currently, there is no concrete, confirmed information coming out of Kyrgyzstan about the future of adoptions or the cases stalled in-process. There are a lot of theories floating around that seem to indicate that adoptions will indeed continue, it's just a matter of when.

That said, I still grieve for the time we've lost with K, but am more confident now than before that she will eventually come home to us.

There will be another conference call this coming Wednesday, during which I hope to learn that the 65 children who have been waiting to be united with their forever families are going to be coming home - SOON! I will try to post an update later next week.

Thank you for your continued prayers for us and all of the waiting orphans. Happy Easter!

9 Months

We were told she'd be home by the time she was 4 months old. Today our precious girl is 9 months old. Hang on, sweetie, we'll get there!

Spring?

Seems like an eternity again since I've last posted. On the adoption front, I'm afraid there is absolutely nothing to share. We've received no photos or updates on K since mid-January and the process in Kyrgyzstan appears to continue it's stall. Every Monday I wake and convince myself "this is the week" and every Friday I concede to the fact that I was wrong again. The arbitrary date of April 2nd has been thrown out most recently as a day to anticipate a meeting or announcement of some sort. For now, that's what I'll cling to.

Around here, we are preparing for Spring. As is pretty typical here in Wisconsin, the weather has been just plain weird. It was 75 degrees last Tuesday and yesterday we woke to a dusting of snow on the ground. It IS coming, though - the brown grass is plainly visible as is all the dirt, dead leaves, and litter that lay buried beneath the snow all winter. We are slowly beginning the big clean up.

We have so many projects lined up for spring. Part of me is anxious to get them all done in a hurry so we'll be ready to take off and bring K home. The other part of me just doesn't know where to begin.

The last portion of our downstairs that isn't finished is being converted to a very cool kids' playroom. Thanks to my wonderful and talented Dad, the construction part of it is all handled. We just have to get off our duffs and do the painting.

We are going to be buying/building a play set for E (and K) and I hope to have that done before his birthday.

Our cedar fence is in desperate need of staining. We need to put a border in along our hedges out front to contain the few rocks that are left. Then there's raking, window washing, garden planting, and all the other fun stuff that will make it look like summer around here.

E has been terribly sick on and off for the last 2 months. He can't seem to go with more than a week healthy. This morning he had another febrile seizure which is exhausting for him and takes a couple more years off Mommy's and Daddy's lives. As a result Kevin and I have had way too many days off work lately. Hopefully with the warmer weather he will get back to his crazy, silly, healthy self.

We have been able to get out on some of the nice days when E is feeling good and go to the park, fly kites (his newest passion), blow bubbles, and draw pictures all over Daddy's pristine driveway. :)

He's also graduated to Perch swimming class. That means he goes all by himself now without Mommy or Daddy - pretty impressive! Unfortunately 2 of the last 3 classes he's been sick so he hasn't been able to go.

Here's a few pics of our springtime fun!

time to raise the flags:

flying his kite:

that's his - waaaay up there:

giving Daddy some advice:


at the park:

Ten Things......

I'm "stealing" a post from fellow blogger and adoptive parent, Cindy. She has been such an inspiration and voice of reason for me over the last 2 years. She always seems to be able to eloquently express emotions, struggles and joys that she and so many adoptive parents feel. Please take a look - click here

I'll warn you - if you are new to her blog, you won't be able to stop reading!

Tagged

I've been tagged by Ann and Laura.

The directions... Go to your fourth photo file location and post your fourth photo in that file - NO cheating! If you're reading this, consider yourself tagged! :)

I wasn't really surprised to find that my fourth photo in my fourth file was adoption related - I think 90% of my pictures relate in some way to E. This was an "oldie", though. Thanks to my sister-in-law for this beautiful cake she had made for my shower before E came home!

Here's a cute little game that Janiece passed on to me. I ended up with the letter T.

Here are the rules…If you want to play, leave a comment on this post letting me know, and I’ll assign you a letter. You write about ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place. When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on and on!

Here's my 10 in no particular order!

1. Today - I love that I got to wake up this morning and spend another day on this Earth.

2. Toni - E's teacher at school. She is one of the most incredibly patient and talented women I have ever met! She truly loves "her kids" and E truly loves her. It is because of her that I can feel safe and comfortable leaving E every day.

3. Twenty-four - It's my favorite number! Kevin and I started dating on the 24th, we moved into our first home on the 24th, moved into our second home on the 24th and most importantly, E became our son on the 24th! Incidently we were married on the 22nd, and received E's referral on the 27th.

4. Toddler - I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE my toddler! I had to work him in here, somewhere - he doesn't have a 'T' name.

5. Turtle anything - my indulgent love - Turtle cheesecake, turtle ice cream, turtle candies, turtle sundaes, if it's turtle, I love it! Okay, maybe not turtle soup......

6. Tatoos - Perhaps a surprise to some, but I have a few and if it were socially acceptable (and free), I'd probably be covered in them!

7. Technology - I am so grateful for the support and friendship I have found during our adoption processes thanks to technology.

8. Tulips - one of my very favorite flowers, expecially because when they come up in my yard I know spring is close!

9. Telephone - I'm more addicted to my computer now than my telephone, but I still love hearing a friendly voice on the other end!

10. Tomorrow - I started with loving today, I will certainly love tomorrow!

One step forward....

As many of you know, our adoption journey has been fraught with uncertainty and fear the last several months. For the first time in a while, we have been given a small, concrete, piece of hope that this IS truly going to happen. There are a lot of important people involved in trying to resolve the issues surrounding inter-country adoption from Kyrgyzstan and for them, we are thankful! It is our sincere hope that the coming week provides the 60+ waiting families promising news with regards to bringing their beautiful children home. As I have stated, I must be a little careful about posting details (as this is a public blog), but I will say that for now, we are more hopeful than ever that we will have our precious girl in our arms someday.

Family Getaway

Last weekend we spent a wonderful 2 days at the Atlantis Hotel & Waterpark in WI Dells. It was a much needed break from all the stress of the last several weeks. The waterpark is open to children only under 11 so it was great to be able to allow E to explore and be silly without having to worry about crazy adults and teenagers plowing him down. He absolutely loved it and we were all pretty exhausted and waterlogged by Sunday afternoon. Most importantly, it was a chance to get away and just celebrate being a family. Here's a few of my favorites from the weekend.

....and the wait continues....

Not too much else to say right now. The officials are back from holiday, everyone is in place, yet nothing is happening. There is still no one that can provide any sort of estimated timeline for all of us waiting families.

On a brighter note, we received 2 new photos of K from our coordinator today. They are a little dark and blurry, but she looks pretty darn good. There is some confusion regarding the measurements that accompanied the photos. I'm hoping they are truly not hers. If they are, they reveal that while she has grown 2 inches, her weight remains unchanged from nearly 3 months ago. With her complex medical needs, this has been our biggest fear. She is at extraordinary risk for infection and malnutrition and if she has stopped gaining weight we have much reason to worry. That being said, I haven't traditionally put a great deal of stock in measurements received because there is simply no standardized method of obtaining accurate weights or measurements over there. Hopefully we will receive word in the next few days that the information from today was indeed, inaccurate.

So, we continue to hope and pray for a resolution to the delays. K will be 7 months old this coming Sunday. I pray that we will be together next month!

Raw Honesty and Emotion

I am posting today, with her permission, a letter written by a fellow blogger and Kyrgyz PAP to her agency representative. It is one of the most touching, honest and couragous letters I have read.

Please let me preface this by sharing some of my feelings about it. I am not as eloquent a writer as she, so bear with me.

This process has been, to say the least, one of the most scary and frustrating things I have ever been through. We (PAP's) are reminded every single day by family, friends, government officials and agency representatives that we must remain positive, have faith and trust in the process. I cannot count how many times I have heard "if it's meant to happen, it will - just be patient". Most days, I will agree, but there are many days where I would like to respond with "that's a load of crap". The fact is, we are completely powerless, at the mercy of people we don't know. We have no idea what is going on with these children and that hurts. For those who have children at home, imagine spending 6, 7, 8, and in some cases even 9 months over 6000 miles away from them with no contact and tell me how sad and worried you would be every day. Add to that the stress of not knowing when or if you will ever be reunited. Just because we don't have a piece of paper yet that says they are ours, in our hearts, they are. For most of us, we don't have a large group of loved ones that can possibly understand what we're going through and that is hard, too. That's why I am so incredibly grateful for my virtual family. We are scattered all over the US, but I can always log on and find someone who will "listen", commiserate, and help lift me up. I hope that I have done the same for them.

I have a lot of good days where I am happy and hopeful, but they are often overshadowed by the bad ones. I am a firm believer in the power of positive thinking, but as L states in her letter below, this process has at times shaken my faith in God and humanity. Please pay close attention to the last line of the following letter and excuse me for my bad days because I am definitely not in my right mind sometimes.

E's adoption was ridiculously fast and smooth, but K's has not been. I know if and when we bring her home it will all have been worth it, but right now I am hurting along with about 60+ other families stuck in the uncertainty of the current delays.

Without further adieu - the letter that inspired me to have the guts to share this with you:

"...I will continue to worry. I have lost much of my faith in the possibility that any part of this adoption will run smoothly. I am now terrified that the letters will come and ours will all sit on a desk with no one to handle them.I am not placing blame, but it has been just one horrible turn after another. I have come to expect the next catastrophe.I am outraged that the Kyrgyz officials have not had the foresight or compassion to protect the rights of their most vulnerable citizens. But even more, I am incredibly frustrated by our lack of voice in advocating for our children (not biologically, or legally ours but in our minds, hearts and souls, they are) and feeling that no one else can or is willing to move mountains for them like we feel they should. To us it feels the world should stand still until this is fixed!The only thing that could bring relief is to have complete faith that EVERYTHING that can be done - is being done. I do not feel this is the case right now.We live with this frustration and pain 24/7 and it wears down our spirit. The only time I am not feeling sad and helpless is when I am trying to find a means to fight for them, but that is also to no avail. I am not exaggerating to say that losing our baby boy was less painful than this process has been.I know it must be hard and frustrating for you as well. I guess I just need for you to know that you are now dealing with a group of frenzied, heartbroken, parents that are half out of their minds with worry. But I am sure you already know this. I do not think most of us are behaving in our normal manner. It is not my nature to be suspicious and un-trusting. However, I am constantly wondering who is telling a lie, or hiding information in regards to the adoption. I no longer trust my own instincts or gut feelings in this area. It is the most bizarre emotional experience I have ever had. And frankly it has been trying my faith that God is watching over me and my family.So I pray for a happy ending for all. I can't comprehend the depth and breadth of the damage that could be done if this were to fall through for us and the many children waiting. But please, in the meantime, excuse my behavior and my questions and all that must be annoying for all of you dealing with all of us. Truly, we are not in our right minds."

Holiday Wrap up

Whew - it always goes by so fast, doesn't it?

We had an awesome holiday. E was so into it this year - the presents, that is. We were blessed to spend some very special time with immediate and extended family and had just an exceptional Christmas.

Our New Year's was pretty quiet, just us and our 2 closest friends gathered for a fabulous meal, a few cocktails and lots of laughs.

While 2008 was very good to us and so many amazing and wonderful things happened, we are happy to say farewell and are anxiously waiting to see what 2009 will bring. One of the biggest and most special of course being the addition of K to our family. We are told that things are supposed to "start moving" in January and are keeping our fingers crossed that we will travel in February. Selfishly, we just want her here. We want to get to know her and learn about her and fall in love with her. The fact is, though, she NEEDS to come home. With every passing month, beginning medical treatment for her condition becomes more critical to her long term well-being and health.

2009 will also be a year of transition for E. My baby will turn 3! I can't hardly believe it, but I guess it's going to happen. He will be transitioned into the public school system for Early Childhood and out of our County's Birth to 3 program. He has 4 therapists and we will miss them terribly. He has caught up to his peers and is even a little bit ahead in some areas. He can independently say his ABC's, count to 10, recognize nearly all of the letters of the printed alphabet, and sing songs. He's made such huge gains cognitively and developmentally over the last 20 months. He is growing and changing so fast, sometimes I just want to hit "pause" and have a little more time to get used to it. For all those people who've said it to me, I'm happy to say I've learned the true meaning of "enjoy it, they grow up so fast".

With the holidays behind, I am in full blown nesting mode. I find myself cleaning things that don't really need to be cleaned, organizing and reorganizing and then yup, you guessed it, organizing again. I've been gravitating to the baby aisle at stores and picking up just a couple of things here and there. Daddy and E lovingly assembled K's crib and it is ready to be filled with her cuteness. I know we could still be in for a long wait, but if you've read The Secret then you know what I'm doing. If you haven't read it, you need to! Hopefully the Universe will listen and return all the positive mojo we're sending out there!

To all of our family and friends - "real" and "virtual" - Happy New Year! May all of our dreams come true and our children come home!

Okay, here's what you really came for - enjoy the pictures:

It's a tough job, but somebody's gotta do it (thank goodness I've got my boys)!

Nothing better than giving a friend a ride!
Winter driving in Wisconsin....need I say more?
Hanging his chosen Kyrgyz ornament for the year.
"Bring on the presents"!
Now THAT's a present!
Just plain being silly!
The boxes are still just as much fun as the toys inside.

What a charming family if I may say so myself.

Hair again!

I couldn't resist giving you all an extra large preview today - those eyes just make me melt! I love it when her hair starts to grow back! I'm sure the 'do will be short lived, but at least we get a peek of how cute she will be once she actually gets to keep her lovely locks!

Thank you, Ann, for giving us this little piece of heaven! Glad you're home safe.

Bad, Bad Blogger

Sorry - looks like I promised in my last post (over THREE weeks ago) to update frequently during my time off work. Here we are less than one week to go of my medical leave and I've not written a thing.

Unfortunately, there is not much to report on the adoption front. Things still are not moving and there is not expected to be any major breakthroughs before the end of the year. Our precious little angel will be spending Christmas 6000 miles away, but very much in our hearts. Please continue to pray for the "powers that be" to come to a consensus soon and let our kiddos come home.

I've been a very busy little bee the last month. I felt way better than I thought I would much sooner than I thought I would, so my days have been filled with shopping, wrapping, cleaning, baking, addressing holiday cards, and so much more! I keep teasing Kevin that I will be having surgery every year from now on right before the holidays - this has been my most prepared and productive year to date! Alas, next Thursday I will return to work and things will hopefully return to normal, controlled chaos around here.

For my Southern and Western friends - here's a little taste of Wisconsin:

Pictures for our Christmas card - Yes, he is holding and kissing a picture of K, but we can't let you see her just yet! :)

Little Updates and Lots of Pictures

I am at home, in front of my computer, recovering from surgery. I am off work for the next several weeks and will try to keep my blog a little more updated than I have in the recent past. I promised pictures a few posts back and here, I will make good on that promise.

As for updates, God Bless S. who just returned from Bishkek for a visit with her wee girl and sent us some great photos of K and some very encouraging updates, as well. It appears she is healthy and growing and for that we are so happy! While there is no concrete information at this time about potential travel, we are still hopeful that we will bring K home sooner than later! :)

Without further adieu - here are some pics of our precious monkey at his finest:

All is well

Just a very quick post to say thank you for the positive vibes and prayers. E's surgery went very well and his recovery has been smooth so far. He continues to amaze me with his good nature and resilience!

I will post more soon and include some great pictures, too!

Shout out to the Adoptive Mama Pajama Party going on in Bishkek right now! Hope you girls are having fun and giving those babies millions of hugs and kisses! Be safe and enjoy your time in that beautiful city!!

"Love you Mommy"

The three little words I've dreamed of hearing for years. E said them the other night all by himself without prompting. Okay, it was actually "lub u mommy", which only made it more precious and adorable. I am constantly amazed at how lucky I am to have been chosen to parent this amazing little person. :)

Trick-or-treating on Sunday was really fun. E was a little shy when he was actually face to face with strangers at their doors, but he seemed to enjoy it anyway. About halfway through he did start remembering his "thank yous", although he wasn't able to get a "tikoteat" out. It was a very cold, windy day so we weren't out for very long.

Tomorrow is surgery day for our little monkey. Please think of him at 9:15 CST tomorrow and pray that his procedure goes smoothly. We sure appreciate it!

We received new measurements of K today from our coordinator. She continues to grow and a respectable rate and is actually only a few pounds shy of what E weighed when we brought him home at 12 months old! It gives me comfort during this long, indefinite waiting period to know that she is apparently healthy. Every week I think "this is the week" for good news and one of these days I'm going to be right. Keep your fingers crossed!

How do you do it?

Over the last month I have been asked this question more times than I can possibly count. My answer - hair dye and chocolate! I have a wonderful hair stylist who diligently works to keep my ever-growing crop of gray hairs hidden and I am enjoying chocolate at will. :)

There has still been no movement with our adoption and while it is frustrating and a little bit scary, we are feeling quite at peace right now. I think having "been there done that" once already is feeding our emotional stability. We know that adoption works - we have proof every day in our home. We know that the children in the orphanage are having their basic needs met and that the caregivers work very hard and love them all very much. When people comment that they don't know how we can stand it - the waiting, the uncertainty, "knowing" our daughter and not being able to rush over to bring her home, not having an end in sight; I try to explain that there IS indeed an end in sight we just don't know when. The fact is, I see her in our family and in our home. I see her growing up with her brother, playing outside, sitting in the currently empty seat at our dinner table. I picture our family a year from now and ten years from now and she is part of it. So, while some days are truly a struggle and we worry about her and we feel sad that she is not already here, most days we hold on to the belief that "THE CALL" will come soon and we will begin the next leg of this amazing adventure.

We were extremely blessed to receive a new photo this week from a family that travelled recently. We learned one very important thing from this photo - we need to start saving our money for a piano!



In other news, we are preparing for E's eye surgery next Thursday. The doctor says it is generally a pretty straight-forward, uncomplicated procedure, but to me any procedure requiring general anesthesia is dangerous. I am quite anxious about it and ask that if anyone has spare prayers that day, please keep E and the surgeon in them.

We have had a pretty busy and fun fall so far. I have over a hundred pictures on my camera waiting for download and as soon as I have some time, I will grace this blog with the extreme cuteness that is our son! Today after I am done with work we are going to make a big pot of chili and carve some pumpkins. Tomorrow E gets to try out trick-or-treating. He kind of "gets it" this year - we were practicing in the living room last night and he thought it was pretty cool that all he had to say was "tikoteat" and I put candy in his bucket. I was pretty proud of the fact that he remembered his "thank yous" each time, too. We'll see how he does with the real thing tomorrow.

Thank You!

We were blessed to be able to meet the owners of the wonderful restaurant that is helping to fund our adoption grant through The Gift of Adoption Fund. The restaurant is Zaffiros Pizza in Milwaukee and the owners Mike and Rose are the most caring and compassionate people we've ever met. Their family was built through adoption and they truly understand the hurdles adoptive parents today face in trying to raise the funds necessary to bring their kids home. It is a very quaint and welcoming place and the pizza is phenomenal!


Zaffiros have partnered with The Gift of Adoption Fund which is an organization committed to helping build families one child at a time. Their work is amazing and their CEO, Pam, is very passionate about what they do. I would encourage anyone who is able and willing to support this amazing organization please do so. We are so grateful for their work and their belief in us as a family.

All that's missing.....

is our little princess. The room is painted, the bedding has arrived and thanks to some very generous mommies, we have quite a lot of little girl clothes. The crib is still at the store where it will stay until we have travel dates, but I'm trying to stay optimistic and slowly get things together. In my last post I mentioned that some bedding I had ordered had arrived, but we decided to send it back. I've had a hard time choosing bedding for K for several reasons. First off, as those who know me can attest to, I'm not really a girly-girl. I don't like pink, frilly, lacey things and that seems to be mostly what's out there for infant girl bedding. Second, K and E will share a room for a while - we only have 2 bedrooms on our main floor and I am just not ready to be more than a few steps away. Therefore, I wanted to have something that would at least kind of coordinate with E's decor. Third, bedding is EXPENSIVE! I run on a pretty tight budget and I just couldn't justify spending $200 on bedding. Then....I found IT. I saw a set I really loved - the perfect combination of class and glamour, but it was $200. On a whim I decided to check eBay (my new best friend) and found a brand new set on auction with only 19 hours left. I set my max bid at $60 and ended up winning it for $46. I was so excited and even more so when it arrived yesterday and was just as perfect as I'd hoped it would be.

I know the suspense is just killing you, so here it is (our set has the crib bedding, valance, diaper stacker, toy bag and pillow):

A VERY good day

Yesterday was one of those pretty darn good days. It started off with updated measurements of K from our agency. Now, I generally take these measurements fairly lightly as we've experienced the inaccuracy and inconsistency with them in the past. However, K has had a significant gain since last report and I figure even if they're off some, she almost certainly has had a gain which is tremendously encouraging to us right now. She is now the weight of a very healthy newborn!

The day only got better when I was notified that we have indeed received a grant from the same organization that helped us with E's adoption last year. We feel so incredibly blessed by the compassion and generosity of the grant selection committee and all those who support these foundations throughout the year so they may continue to offer financial assistance to adoptive families.

Later, I arrived home to find the crib bedding set I had ordered for K's crib (which is still at the store). We decided we don't really care for it as much as we did on the computer screen (the hazards of online shopping) and are sending it back in exchange for something else, but it was still pretty cool that it arrived.

All we're missing is some good news from Bishkek.............

One Wild Ride!

I'm happy to report our dossier has arrived in Bishkek! It left D.C. on 8/21 and has taken wild tour of the US and Europe. Doesn't it know this is no time for a joyride? Seems it got on a couple wrong flights and stopped at a couple wrong addresses before finding itself safe in Bishkek. It did, however miss the cutoff for delivery so it'll be next week before it arrives safely in the hands of our facilitator. Here's where that crazy package of documents has been: Departed Washington D.C. - Memphis, TN - Frankfurt, Germany - Almaty, Kazakhstan - Paris, France - Poyle, Great Britian - Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan.

Now that there is definite movement - dossiers have left D.C., dossiers have been signed by the adoption commission in Bishkek, court dates are due to be issued; I am starting to breathe again. Not much, but a little. I have this sudden urge to clean, organize and paint! :)

A sneek peek.....

Oh how I wish we could fast-forward to the day when (God willing) we can introduce K as our daughter. Unfortunately, we just don't have any concrete timeline right now and I desperately want to share the beauty of our little girl with those of you who've shown us such great support so far in our journey. Have you ever seen more gorgeous eyes?

Thanks!

First of all, thank so much to everyone who has shared words of comfort and support this week. I received a few additional pictures yesterday (thanks again Lisa B!) from K's "photo shoot" the other week and there is one that is just mesmerizing. She has the brightest, most beautiful eyes! We continue to hold her in our hearts and pray that she stays strong for us!

Here's a little fun courtesy of Maria:

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 4 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

For me - 327,775 people in the US with my first name and 4 with my entire name.

For Kevin - 1,026,014 people in the US with his first name and 11 with his entire name.

For E and K - they are both "one of a kind" - no one else in the US with their names!

Pretty cool, huh?!

A Non-update of sorts

I wish I had great news to report, but unfortunately I do not. Our dossier continues to sit at the Embassy with no word on when it will move on to Kyrgyzstan. Meanwhile, our little lady continues to wait and my heart continues to ache for her. We were so blessed to receive a few new photos of her last week (Thanks Lisa B!!) that have given us and our medical team greater insight into her medical condition. After talking with our team yesterday, the knot in my stomach grows tighter. Her condition is more significant than we originally thought and she is emaciated which has them very concerned. I knew when we accepted her referral we would have a long, challenging road ahead, but until yesterday I did not truly believe there was a chance she may not make it. I pray that she has the spirit and fight in her to press on and wait for us. I have never felt so helpless.....

Please pray for God to watch over our little angel.

Summer Fun!

There's not a lot to share in adoption news. We're just kind of hanging around waiting...waiting...waiting. We're praying for travel sometime this fall, but as internation adoption goes, we have learned better than to expect anything concrete. This process is truly the biggest leap of faith a person ever has to take and no matter how hard you try, you cannot control it and will drive yourself crazy trying to do so. We're trying to focus on enjoying what's left of the quickly dwindling summer months and preparing our home and lives for the addition of our little girl. It's difficult most days for me to think about her and talk about bringing her home because I know that there is always a chance that may not happen. I find myself constantly reminded by my inner logic that she is indeed not ours yet. There comes a time, however, when I will have to make that quantum leap into believing that we will travel and bring her home and I guess I am inching closer to that place. I have allowed myself to browse bedding and think about infant supplies that we of course, do not own as E was 12 months old when we brought him home. I hope to hear news that things are moving along well in Kyrgyzstan and that there are families being reuinited with their kiddos and coming home safely. Our IA doctors (and us) are anxiously awaiting new information and photos of K to help better evaluate her special needs and help us develop a plan for the future. We pray that if someone is travelling soon they may be able to visit with her.

E has been thoroughly enjoying his time outside this summer despite the hoards of mosquitos that we cannot seem to get a break from. He is growing like crazy and talking more every day. Just typing about him brings a smile to my face. Here's a little peak at our summer fun.

It's a..........GIRL!!!!

I'm so happy to share with the world that we have accepted the referral of a beautiful, baby girl! We received her information last week Friday and had an instant feeling that she would be our daughter. I will admit that I was a little shocked as I had always kind of figured we would have another boy. We didn't state a gender or infant preference and with the ways of international adoption, that usually (although not always) translates into a referral of an older infant boy. She is quite young and very, very special. I won't be sharing details or photos at this time due to her very unique special needs and the fact that as much as we want her to be, she isn't truly ours until the courts say she is.

We hope and pray for her spirit and strength while she waits for us to come and bring her home (hopefully this fall).

Our focus up to this point has been fundraising, and while we have been so incredibly blessed by the generosity of others, unfortunately we are still about $20,000 short of what we need to bring her home. I spend a huge part of each day racking my brain for new, creative ways to come up with the funds; and the other part doing research and educating myself on her special needs. We have a lot to plan for - not only bringing a new baby into our lives, but also making sure we have the resources lined up to help her (and us) when she arrives home.

We understand that we have a very long, difficult road ahead of us, but also realize that it will be one of the most amazing journeys we could embark upon. We so appreciate everyone's support and prayers during the months ahead.

Wisconsin SOS Rocks!

I had the day off yesterday because I worked the whoooole weekend so I took our dossier to the Sec of State Office for authentication. I dropped it off at 8:30 and spent the rest of my morning running a million errands. I got a call at 11:50 letting me know my documents were done so I turned around and went right back to get them. I would say that a 3hr 20min turnaround time on an entire dossier cannot be beat by anyone! Thank you lovely SOS ladies for your hard work!

This weekend I emailed our state representative regarding an ongoing problem we are having with USCIS with regard to E's citizenship. They happily accepted the application and took our money back in October, but have yet to produce a certificate or an explanation about what is taking so long with his case. Well, I've had it and decided to call in some reinforcements. Wouldn't ya know it, a wonderful gentleman emailed me immediately Monday morning requesting additional information about E's case so he could access the USCIS records and get this taken care of.

Long story short, I'm feeling pretty darn good about our Wisconsin officials today!

Fundraising......

I'm sure people are wondering how our big fundraiser went this weekend so I wanted to pop on briefly and share.

While we did not have the turnout we'd hoped in terms of numbers of people, we were incredibly blessed to have extremely generous guests who not only donated and bid on our silent auction items, but offered hugs, prayers and lots of support as well. To those who took time out of their busy schedules to join us on Sunday - Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Your presence and support meant more to us that you could know. For those who weren't able to join us but offered financial support anyway - we are grateful. And for those who perhaps took a moment out of their day to offer up a prayer on our behalf - we deeply appreciate you as well.

All told, our summer fundraising has brought in just over $5000 and has put us within reach of the halfway point to having the funds we need to bring our baby home. We will continue to scrimp and save and rack our brains for other creative fundraising ideas. Most of all, we will continue to pray and have faith that we are travelling the road God intended and that He will show us the way.

I wanted to share the video I made for the fundraiser. Perhaps it will offer some hope to a waiting family out there. The music is off "The Spirit of Adoption" CD (which can be easily purchased on Amazon.com) - I HIGHLY recommend this CD for waiting adoptive families - it has helped me through some tough spots.

Almost a month????

I cannot believe it has been almost a month since I last posted! Time sure does fly when you're drowning in paper!

It is now public knowledge that the Kyrgyzstan Embassy has changed dossier requirements. What this meant for us was redoing a good portion of our dossier, updating dates (because certain things now expire), getting a hold of new documents, having FBI clearances done and resubmitting the dossier for translation. We received our FBI clearances today - there's something oddly satisfying about seeing that "No arrest record" stamped across the page even though we were pretty darn sure that's how they'd come back! :)

We are currently one document shy of having a complete dossier. Once we get that in our hot, little hands it's off to the Secretary of State's office for a little authentication. After that's done and all of the translations are back, we will make many pounds of copies and ship everything off to our courier in DC for authentication at the Kyrgyz embassy. From there, le dossier will be on it's way to Kyrgyzstan!

It's shocking to me to look at our timeline and realize that we've already been at this for over three months. Last time I had our dossier assembled, authenticated and off to Kyrgyzstan about six weeks after we sent in our formal application. A few weeks later we had a referral and we were home with our little monkey a few months after that. While many parts of the process are easier this time (the waiting, the bumps in the road, the uncertainty), finding time to deal with all of the tediousness of it is much, much more difficult.

We had both of our large rummage sales over the last month and they were a success despite the recent flooding that prohibits a person from getting anywhere near our little town right now. We were so blessed by donations from friends, family, coworkers, and acquaintances - we thank you all and are truly grateful!!

We are gearing up for our Silent Auction Fundraiser this coming Sunday. Again, we have been overwhelmed with people's generosity and are thrilled that we have about 25 really amazing auction items! As far as funds, it's tough to see the bright side, but we sure try. We are about 1/3 of the way to having the money we need to bring our little angel home. Something deep inside reminds me that it will all work out because it has to. It did last time and we were able to bring E home, so I do have faith that it will work again and LP will join our family.

Infertility and Adoption

I don't really discuss this topic anymore, because quite honestly I thank God every day for our infertility. I cannot imagine my life without E and I cannot imagine any other journey to my children than adoption. Our infertility and the path we've chosen to take to our children has changed us profoundly and I think, made us stronger, more appreciative, more compassionate individuals and pretty great parents, too.

There was a time, however, when I struggled everyday. I hurt, and cried and asked "why me?" over and over again. I wanted to share this beautiful poem that someone posted on a group that I belong to. Perhaps it will touch someone else and help them work through the painful feelings infertility evokes; maybe it will even provide a little hope......

There are women that become mothers without effort. Without thought, without patience or loss. And though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him, and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense: that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a child I give birth to or a child that God Leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, morn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine and when life is beyond hard, I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

~Author Unknown

Money, money, money.....

People always ask "how much did he cost" or say "well....if you can afford it, great". While I kept close track in the beginning of E's adoption process, once you've gone over many tens of thousands of dollars, you stop keeping track. So, I've come up with a very accurate breakdown of our expected expenses. Let me set the record straight about 2 things - HE did not cost anything - the process did; and we cannot afford it because we're sitting on a mountain of cash, we work our tails off every single day and go without all of the things many people consider "necessities" because we love our children (even the ones we haven't met yet).

Here it is in a nutshell - of course, as is common in International Adoption, this could change at any time with no notice:

Agency fees: Home study, facilitation, post placement - $6500
USCIS: I600A, fingerprinting, citizenship paperwork - $1800
Dossier: Documents, translation, authentication, Embassy fees - $3300
Kyrgyzstan fees: Government fees, document preparation, facilitator, humanitarian aid, medical exam - $13,400
Travel: Airfare, lodging, food for 2 trips- $10,600
Total: $41,650

So far we have paid out $5000, leaving us with the daunting task of raising another $36,650. There are days, believe me, when it feels completely hopeless and impossible, but most days I feel like somehow we will make it happen. We have no choice - our child needs us!

Am I bitter? No, I honestly am not. Wouldn't it be great if it wasn't so expensive? Definitely! However, it is what it is. It is our life. It is our chosen path to our kids and we will walk it together with the help of loved ones (and sometimes even strangers). We will stumble and fall, but we will always pick each other back up. When that day comes that we meet LP for the first time, memories of the road travelled will be tucked away and in their place hopes and dreams for the future of our family will rest.