Road Trip

Gosh it's been a long time since I posted! I guess there's not been a whole lot to report. When an entire country goes on vacation for a month, nothing much happens. Imagine that!

Today, though, I had a wonderful surprise when I opened my email and found new pictures of our gorgeous girl. She still looks tiny and weak, but her eyes tell me she is hanging on to a lot of spirit! While it's been extremely painful to watch her grow up through photos this past year, I still feel blessed that I am allowed to wait to be her Mommy. Hopefully September will bring everyone back to work rejuvenated and ready for action.

Tomorrow the Fenske's are off for a much needed family vacation. We're headed to Colorado for Adoption Alliance's Annual Family Picnic. We're so excited to meet some of the families who have their Kyrgyz cuties home and some who are still waiting. We've got lots of other fun things planned, too. I'm really looking forward to some time away with my guys! I just know the weather will be beautiful, travel will be safe, the van will run great, and we'll all be healthy!

We're not taking a computer and I'm going to try REAL hard to avoid the hotel computers, so we'll see you in 11 days!

Infinity............

The news coming out of Kyrgyzstan this week has a hint of positivity with a giant helping of uncertainty. It does not appear we are close to a resolution and if I may be slightly less than optimistic and positive for a moment, I have strong doubts that K will be home this year. Honestly, how long can this possibly go on?

Election...check

Well, the election is over (hopefully) and the outcome was pretty much as I expected. The incumbent president, Bakyiev, has "won" and life in the Kyrgyz Government should return to normal. Yeah - right and I've got a bridge to sell you. There are accusations of ballot stuffing and coercion flying all over and opposition parties are calling for a re-run. While I doubt strongly that that will happen, I expect things will remain quite tense for months to come.
What is so sad is that the honest, hardworking people of Kyrgyzstan who want so desperately to believe their country is a democracy and that their votes really do count, aren't being allowed to feel that sense of pride.

I would be a fool to speculate about how this could/will affect our pending adoption. All year the thought was just get through the election and things will get back on track. I'm not so sure that "getting through" this election is going to have any effect at all.

Kyrgyz Kids Rock!

As do Kazakh, Russian and US kids! :)

I had the pleasure on Sunday to be surrounded by some of the most wonderful children in the world (and their parents, too). We hosted a little WI-Kyrgyzstan Family Picnic and I finally got to meet blog buddy, Janiece, her incredible family, and reconnect with two other families of 3 beautiful Kyrgyz adoptees. The weather couldn't have been more beautiful and I think fun was had by all.




We tried really hard to get pictures of the kids sitting together and while it was a valiant effort, children of this particular age group don't seem real interested in posing for a photo op. Try to get them sitting, looking ahead and smiling all at the same time - forget it. They're still pretty darn cute, though!



The whole group!

Julia's expression says it all......


I can't wait until next year when there will be 2 more! (right, Jes?) ;)

One Year Ago Today.....

We received a referral of a tiny, three week old baby girl. It took us a matter of minutes to decide that she would be our daughter very soon. That was then.
She is now over a year old (albeit the size of a 3 month old) and we are still waiting. Nothing is happening in Kyrgyzstan. There's been positive press over the last month thanks to our three Kyrgyz Delegates, but nothing solid. We all keep hoping that after the election in 12 days, we will see movement.
Deep down, I fear that is just another arbitrary date that come and go with all the rest.

Random Pictures

K's Birthday Party


C'mon, Daddy, let's get this slide on!

Redneck Water Slide


Making music (thank you, Aunt Jean, for teaching him this - I'm sure our social worker would be impressed)!

Working hard

Cooling off

The Maiden Voyage (first time riding in the road)

Happy 1st Birthday sweet girl. Never in a million years would I have believed that we would not be together for your special day. Even though you are 6,433 miles away, I hope you know you are safe in our hearts. There are a lot of people fighting for you. With luck, they will be successful and we will be a family one day soon.

We're having a party here at home for you tonight. Your big brother will blow out your candle for you. I've arranged something special for you and your brothers and sisters in the orphanage - I hope it happens.

CALL TO ACTION

I feel honored to have been invited to help represent the 65 waiting families at a meeting with the Kyrgyz Delegation on Friday, May 29, in Washington D.C. The meeting is planned for 11-12:30 EST and is being hosted by Department of State. In attendance will be representatives from 6 families with ties to Kyrgyzstan adoption, members of JCICS and the Kyrgyz Delegation. The Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute has also secured a meeting with Members of Congress which is scheduled to occur at 2:00 p.m. EST. We are hopeful that these meetings will put a personal spin on our plea and arm the delegation with resources and information to take back to Kyrgyzstan to present to key decision makers.

Please take a moment to read the Call to Action below issued by JCICS and consider taking time out of your busy schedules to make a phone call or two on Tuesday. I'm sure each and every one of our waiting children would be grateful for your support.

CALL TO ACTION: Kyrgyzstan

Dear Friends and Families,

As noted in Joint Council's President & CEO's communication yesterday Joint Council has worked closely with the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute (CCAI) to secure a 15 minute meeting with Congressional Staffers and the six families traveling to Washington D.C. to represent the group. The meeting and will occur just before the Kyrgyz delegation meets with Congressional staffers. In order to ensure that as many Congressional Offices are in attendance at the two meetings Joint Council is initiating a Call to Action requesting the 65 families contact their Senators and Congressmen. Joint Council requests that all families contact their U.S. Senators and Congress persons on Tuesday, May 26th. The purpose of your call is to request they attend the meetings on Friday, May 29th. Please note that Friday, May 29th is during a Congressional Recess.

On Tuesday, May 26th we request that you do the following:

1) Call both of your U.S. Senators and your representatives in the U.S. House of Representatives:

You can find your Senators' phone numbers and email address at www.senate.gov

You can find your Representatives' phone numbers and email address at www.house.gov

2) Include the following in your calls and emails:

"As constituents, I/we urge the Senator/Congressperson to attend the meeting with Kyrgyz officials hosted by Senator Landrieu and the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute on Friday, May 29th."

If they have not heard about the meeting, ask them to contact the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute at (202) 544-8500 or Joint Council at (703) 535-8045.

3) Send an email to everyone you called:

The email is important, but the phone call should be placed first.

Additionally, feel free to forward this request to your friends and family, asking them to contact their Senators and Congress persons requesting they attend the meeting.

Thank you!

Rebecca Harris
Government Relations and Communications Manager

Kevin

Five years ago today, I stood in front of God, my family, my friends and married my best friend. Today's post is dedicated to my husband, the love of my life.

I think it's pretty rare these days to find a truly healthy relationship. People don't believe me when I say we don't fight. Do we get on each other's nerves now and again, sure; do we disagree about things, sure; but one thing we do not do is yell, scream, or disrespect each other. We are different people living the same life and we strive to make it work. We have been through a lot in our 8 years together. We've had some incredibly happy, crazy times together and we've shared a lot of sorrow. We've been through two major moves, the loss of loved ones, 3 years of infertility treatment, 1 lightening fast international adoption and another stalled in process. We've dealt with a lot of financial difficulty as a result of all of the above. Any of those things could've resulted in us drifting apart, but instead, we have grown stronger as a couple.

Kevin is by far one of the most caring, compassionate men I've ever known. He is intelligent, loving, honest, hardworking and the BEST father E could ever ask for. He loves me unconditionally and reminds me every day that I am a beautiful person (despite my extra 40 pounds). He is supportive, kind and genuine.

So, today, my dear - Happy Anniversary! Thank you for always being there to support me. Thank you for loving me no matter what. Thank you for always treating me with respect. Thank you for being the most patient, loving and amazing father to E. I look forward to all the future will bring for us.

A Really Hard Day

This is not a fluffy, happy post, so consider yourself warned.

Today I went shopping - alone. While I love my guy more than anything, I will admit when I have serious shopping to do, going it alone is a treat. My goal today was to find outfits for an upcoming wedding. I wear scrubs every day and cargo pants/T-shirts on the weekend. Esen is growing too fast and is too down and dirty to really have a "dress" wardrobe. Shopping for clothes is hard for me to begin with - I'm tall and not exactly svelte and I HATE to spend money on clothes. Scrounging through clearance racks of three stores I managed to put together a reasonable outfit for myself (for only $19 mind you-a savings of just over $60), so that was a small victory. Trying to find clothes for a rapidly growing, tall but very slim 3 yr old boy is tough, too. As I wandered through the infant/toddler sections I found it really hard to hold back the tears. There were racks upon racks of beautiful, cute little dresses that I should've been looking through for K. She was supposed to be home. She was supposed to come to this wedding with us, to this afternoon's birthday party with us, on vacation in August with us. She will not be with us. She continues to languish in an orphanage. She continues to grow older not knowing how it feels to be loved. She continues to change - physically - not receiving the medical care she desperately needs.

We had a conference call this week that brought more frustrating news. Adoptions will probably not be back on the agenda until after the elections in July. If anyone has followed the recent political turmoil I don't have to tell you what this means. For those who haven't, it means July will come and with it more excuses. If a new president is elected, who knows what the future will hold for our children. If the current president stays in office, there will likely be more political unrest halting the processing of our adoptions indefinitely.

We continue to be told that our cases WILL be processed, it's just a matter of WHEN. After all of the lies and excuses, I'm finding it pretty difficult to believe that statement to be true. Why would they lie about everything else, but be truthful about that.

Meanwhile, I go through the motions of each day. I get up, go to work, come home and do it all over again the next day. For the most part, I put on my happy face and hide my hurting heart. I don't know if I will ever bring K home, if I will ever hold her, fall in love with her, show her that she is important and valued. For the first time, I feel really hopeless. I have serious doubts that adoptions are going to continue in Kyrgyzstan this year. I don't know where this journey is taking us, but I do know that I will not give up on K until every last door is slammed shut. I know that we will trudge forward and deal with the daily disappointments. I know it is not over yet. But today, hard as it is for me to admit, I am weak and I am really, really sad.

MY Day

So, people call it a Hallmark Holiday, but I will be the first to admit, I LOVE Mother's Day. It's a day when all the busy, sometimes under-appreciated mom's out there get a pat on the back for all they do. I know I grew up not telling my mom often enough how much I appreciated all she did for me. I know I gave her lots of gray hairs and many sleepless nights. I also know that without her I wouldn't be the woman or the mom I am today. So, to my mom - THANK YOU!

I feel so blessed today to be Mom to one of the coolest, most adorable little guys on the planet. In the business of day to day life when we're worrying about schedules and messes and bills (oh the many, many bills), we sometimes forget just how important people are in our lives. E is definitely by far the most important thing in my life and today I will hold him tighter.

I know today is a bittersweet day for many moms still waiting to bring their children home from Kyrgyzstan. It is for me, too. My heart hurts for K, but today, selfishly, it hurts for me, too. I want her home! To all of the waiting moms, my virtual friends, Happy Mother's Day! You are strong, loving women - moms already who are fighting for their children even though they are not physically with you yet. Hopefully this week brings good news for all of us!

Oh Lord - my bestest Kyrgyz Adoptive Mama Blog Buddy, Michelle, has bestowed upon me the great honor "Queen of ALLL things Awe-summm". While I sure don't see myself as such, how can I possibly argue with a doctor, wife and mommy of four.

Now, I have to think of 7 things awesome about myself. Pretty daunting task for an average, working-class, Wisconsin girl, but I'll do my best.

1. I am mommy to the coolest, smartest, cutest, funniest kid in the world! Okay, maybe that makes him Awe-summm, but anyway.....

2. I am "street" smart. Yup - a warning to my children present and future: Whatever it is that's against the rules, DON'T do it and if you do, DON'T lie about it! I have been there, done it, lied about it and eventually got caught (for most of it anyway).

3. I am honest. Want to know something...anything...just ask, I will give it to you straight. Honesty can be pretty hard to come by in this world today and this is one quality I think DOES make me Awe-summm!

4. I'm determined. C'mon, tell me I can't do something - I dare ya'. Once I set my mind to something - it WILL happen.

5. I can multi-task like crazy! Whether it's work or home, I can always seem to get a million things done in half the time it would take someone else to do them.

6. I go to great lengths to preserve E's history. I keep all of his artwork, therapy reports, medical reports, special toys, party decorations, etc., labeled and packed away. I keep a scrapbook (although I'm many months behind on it) so that he has a record of his life. Perhaps one day he'll realize I'm just a big dork, but for now - it's pretty cool.

7. I know what is to love and be loved unconditionally - for that, my husband is the one who deserves to be crowned King of ALLL things Awe-summm!

I am supposed to tag seven fellow bloggers. I'm sure some have already been tagged because they are certainly all very deserving of this title. All are adoptive mamas - some current and some in process. All are intelligent, caring, hard-working women and 2 are fellow Wisconsinites.

Pamela; Kimberly; Ann; Jes; Cyndi; Janiece; Lisa

Happy Birthday!!

Happy Birthday to my little monkey! I can't hardly believe E is three already. I have said it before and I'll say it again....it seems like just yesterday that he came home so tiny and fragile. Now he is a full-fledged little boy.
On this day, I always think about E's birthmom and wonder what she is doing, if she is happy and healthy, if she thinks of him. We'll probably never know the true circumstances behind his relinquishment or whether or not she would've kept him if she could. We'll never know if it was a difficult decision for her or if it was just the logical next step. It really doesn't matter that much. It is what it is and he is ours and we love him more than anything in the world. I will always feel gratitude toward this woman I have never met for going through her pregnancy and giving birth to our son. She could've easily chosen a different path. I admire her for her courage and for choosing life for E.

TWO YEARS!

Two years ago today, I met my hero! Even better was that I get to call myself his mom. I will never forget the day we walked into that orphanage a couple and walked out a family. It was exciting, emotional and undoubtedly one of the scariest days of my life! I absolutely cannot believe that it's already been 2 whole years. E has changed my life not only in the obvious ways, but my whole outlook on the world. He has made me a better person and I hope everyday that I am doing everything I can to keep him happy and healthy. Here's a few photos from that special day in 2007.

First Meeting


Signing Paperwork (I still no idea what it was I was signing!)


First Family Photo


Our Tiny Guy (after we got him back to the hotel and unbundled him)


Today, as usual, we took off work and had family photos done. Then it was off to Chuck E Cheese and the Zoo.

Family Photo (sorry, we had to airbrush K out for this posting)


Zoo Playground


"Wac-a-Letter"


My Silly Guy


"Ready to Work"


BIG Almost 3-year-old!


HAPPY ADOPTION DAY BABY!

GI Jane? Nope...GI K!

Thanks to our WONDERFUL and AMAZING translator/driver/facilitator's son, we have received new pictures of our beautiful baby girl. It seems everyone got "haircuts" again. She looks great - TINY, but great! We also received measurements and she's about the same size E was at her age. With her special needs, I'd say that's pretty good.

Intercountry adoption is on the agenda for tomorrow's Parliamentary plenary meeting, so everyone please keep fingers crossed for positive news that we will all soon move forward.

Dare I say....

...I see a light at the end of the tunnel?

I've struggled this week with whether or not to put into words the hope and positivity I'm feeling. This process has been so fraught with uncertainty I'm almost afraid that if I talk about "the good" I'm going to jinx it. Mind you, before adoption, I was not really a superstitious person - yet another thing about me that has changed.

Without sharing too much detail, it appears the issue of Intercountry Adoption has been raised amongst the powers-that-be in Kyrgyzstan. Even better is that the conversations have trended toward positive lately instead of negative. Currently, there is no concrete, confirmed information coming out of Kyrgyzstan about the future of adoptions or the cases stalled in-process. There are a lot of theories floating around that seem to indicate that adoptions will indeed continue, it's just a matter of when.

That said, I still grieve for the time we've lost with K, but am more confident now than before that she will eventually come home to us.

There will be another conference call this coming Wednesday, during which I hope to learn that the 65 children who have been waiting to be united with their forever families are going to be coming home - SOON! I will try to post an update later next week.

Thank you for your continued prayers for us and all of the waiting orphans. Happy Easter!

9 Months

We were told she'd be home by the time she was 4 months old. Today our precious girl is 9 months old. Hang on, sweetie, we'll get there!

Spring?

Seems like an eternity again since I've last posted. On the adoption front, I'm afraid there is absolutely nothing to share. We've received no photos or updates on K since mid-January and the process in Kyrgyzstan appears to continue it's stall. Every Monday I wake and convince myself "this is the week" and every Friday I concede to the fact that I was wrong again. The arbitrary date of April 2nd has been thrown out most recently as a day to anticipate a meeting or announcement of some sort. For now, that's what I'll cling to.

Around here, we are preparing for Spring. As is pretty typical here in Wisconsin, the weather has been just plain weird. It was 75 degrees last Tuesday and yesterday we woke to a dusting of snow on the ground. It IS coming, though - the brown grass is plainly visible as is all the dirt, dead leaves, and litter that lay buried beneath the snow all winter. We are slowly beginning the big clean up.

We have so many projects lined up for spring. Part of me is anxious to get them all done in a hurry so we'll be ready to take off and bring K home. The other part of me just doesn't know where to begin.

The last portion of our downstairs that isn't finished is being converted to a very cool kids' playroom. Thanks to my wonderful and talented Dad, the construction part of it is all handled. We just have to get off our duffs and do the painting.

We are going to be buying/building a play set for E (and K) and I hope to have that done before his birthday.

Our cedar fence is in desperate need of staining. We need to put a border in along our hedges out front to contain the few rocks that are left. Then there's raking, window washing, garden planting, and all the other fun stuff that will make it look like summer around here.

E has been terribly sick on and off for the last 2 months. He can't seem to go with more than a week healthy. This morning he had another febrile seizure which is exhausting for him and takes a couple more years off Mommy's and Daddy's lives. As a result Kevin and I have had way too many days off work lately. Hopefully with the warmer weather he will get back to his crazy, silly, healthy self.

We have been able to get out on some of the nice days when E is feeling good and go to the park, fly kites (his newest passion), blow bubbles, and draw pictures all over Daddy's pristine driveway. :)

He's also graduated to Perch swimming class. That means he goes all by himself now without Mommy or Daddy - pretty impressive! Unfortunately 2 of the last 3 classes he's been sick so he hasn't been able to go.

Here's a few pics of our springtime fun!

time to raise the flags:

flying his kite:

that's his - waaaay up there:

giving Daddy some advice:


at the park:

Ten Things......

I'm "stealing" a post from fellow blogger and adoptive parent, Cindy. She has been such an inspiration and voice of reason for me over the last 2 years. She always seems to be able to eloquently express emotions, struggles and joys that she and so many adoptive parents feel. Please take a look - click here

I'll warn you - if you are new to her blog, you won't be able to stop reading!

Tagged

I've been tagged by Ann and Laura.

The directions... Go to your fourth photo file location and post your fourth photo in that file - NO cheating! If you're reading this, consider yourself tagged! :)

I wasn't really surprised to find that my fourth photo in my fourth file was adoption related - I think 90% of my pictures relate in some way to E. This was an "oldie", though. Thanks to my sister-in-law for this beautiful cake she had made for my shower before E came home!

Here's a cute little game that Janiece passed on to me. I ended up with the letter T.

Here are the rules…If you want to play, leave a comment on this post letting me know, and I’ll assign you a letter. You write about ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place. When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on and on!

Here's my 10 in no particular order!

1. Today - I love that I got to wake up this morning and spend another day on this Earth.

2. Toni - E's teacher at school. She is one of the most incredibly patient and talented women I have ever met! She truly loves "her kids" and E truly loves her. It is because of her that I can feel safe and comfortable leaving E every day.

3. Twenty-four - It's my favorite number! Kevin and I started dating on the 24th, we moved into our first home on the 24th, moved into our second home on the 24th and most importantly, E became our son on the 24th! Incidently we were married on the 22nd, and received E's referral on the 27th.

4. Toddler - I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE my toddler! I had to work him in here, somewhere - he doesn't have a 'T' name.

5. Turtle anything - my indulgent love - Turtle cheesecake, turtle ice cream, turtle candies, turtle sundaes, if it's turtle, I love it! Okay, maybe not turtle soup......

6. Tatoos - Perhaps a surprise to some, but I have a few and if it were socially acceptable (and free), I'd probably be covered in them!

7. Technology - I am so grateful for the support and friendship I have found during our adoption processes thanks to technology.

8. Tulips - one of my very favorite flowers, expecially because when they come up in my yard I know spring is close!

9. Telephone - I'm more addicted to my computer now than my telephone, but I still love hearing a friendly voice on the other end!

10. Tomorrow - I started with loving today, I will certainly love tomorrow!

One step forward....

As many of you know, our adoption journey has been fraught with uncertainty and fear the last several months. For the first time in a while, we have been given a small, concrete, piece of hope that this IS truly going to happen. There are a lot of important people involved in trying to resolve the issues surrounding inter-country adoption from Kyrgyzstan and for them, we are thankful! It is our sincere hope that the coming week provides the 60+ waiting families promising news with regards to bringing their beautiful children home. As I have stated, I must be a little careful about posting details (as this is a public blog), but I will say that for now, we are more hopeful than ever that we will have our precious girl in our arms someday.