The Princess

Our little miracle......

I guess it's time to spill the beans......

A couple of weeks ago, we found out about a little girl born in Louisiana. We spent days pouring over her medical records and searching our hearts to decide if she was our daughter. She was....and now, she is!

Baby M was born at just over 25 weeks - 1 pounds 7 ounces. She suffered Respiratory Distress Syndrome and a Grade III-IV Intraventricular hemorrhage. Subsequently, she developed hydrocephalus. She was on a vent for a little over a month. In her second week of life, she was transferred to the NICU at Children's Hospital in New Orleans where her care was managed for the next 14 weeks.

Little M had a temporary reservoir placed to drain her excess cerebrospinal fluid while she grew and became stronger. When she was big enough, she had a permanent ventriculoperitoneal shunt placed. The shunt functioned well and despite one minor revision about 2 weeks ago and a couple adjustments, she has not encountered any difficulties.

M did great while in the NICU and was a favorite of many of her nurses. This is evidenced by the fact that she really does not tolerate being put down......EVER! :) She continued to grow and thrive and was discharged to us on Monday, November 2nd.

It is unsure what the future holds for M with regard to her physical and mental development. She will certainly have some obstacles to overcome secondary to her prematurity, hemorrhage and hydrocephalus. The good news is that she has amazed all of her doctors and right now at just under 40 weeks gestational age, she is doing everything that a child her age should be doing.

So, here were are, in our hotel in Metairie, LA, hanging with our girl. We're praying that ICPC goes through tomorrow and we can return home on Friday. There's a little boy at home missing his mommy and daddy and a mommy and daddy in LA missing their little boy something fierce! I cannot wait to scoop him up in my arms again!It's a little scary to be travelling with a preemie who is so susceptible to colds and infections, but she is one tough girl!

Our camera and computer have decided not to play nice this week so unfortunately, I only have one picture to offer right now. There will be many, many more after we return home and get settled back in.

Without further adieu......

...and.....we wait some more

This week began with so much promise. Promise for good news and something to celebrate for 62 families and their potential children. That ended today, for now anyway. There are a few positives - our government is engaged in our situation, we're getting positive press, a couple of Kyrgyz government officials have agreed that there needs to be a resolution. Unfortunately, there is still no end in sight, no light at the end of this dark tunnel. Unfortunately, K, and 65+ other children will continue to languish in institutions. Unfortunately, they will spend another Thanksgiving, another Christmas, another birthday alone and feeling unloved. Unfortunately, our hearts will continue to break a little more each day as we remain separated from these children, whom we've grown to love. While I'm convinced there will be an end someday and that most of the matched children will come home to their families, realistically I also know that happy ending will not come without sacrifice. Children have died during this delay; children have suffered irreversible physical and emotional damage that may cause their adoptions to be disrupted; children have been taken back by their birth families. As winter approaches and energy is in high demand, the orphanages will no doubt have to give up the luxury of 24 hour a day heat. They will most likely not have medicine for illnesses, they will most likely not have enough food, their water supplies may be compromised. The longer this drags out, the more children we will lose. I pray every day that we don't lose K, but I know in her fragile physical state, there is a strong possibility that it could happen. We could be the next family to receive that devastating phone call. Please keep all of the children of Kyrgyzstan in your prayers in the coming months.

Disapointment and Sadness

Please pray for Blog Buddy Beth as she works through a very emotionally difficult time. Any adoption process brings with it risks that we all have to face. It takes a special human being to completely open their hearts to a child that, in reality, may never come home to them. We all do it, and we all have fears, but most of us never have to deal with that kind of heartbreak and disappointment. As adoptive parents we want to know that our children came to us ethically and legally. We'd hate to find out later that their birth parents indeed wanted to raise them. If a child is meant to be with their first family, then it's good for that to be discovered before an adoption takes place. It does not, however, make it any easier for a Mother who has loved a child for his entire life to let him go. Please keep Beth and little "B" in your prayers. Please pray for "B"s birth mother that she has made and continues to make the right choices for her son.

Moving Mountains

I wish I were at liberty to share all of the promising news of the last week. However, at this time, it is "safer" to keep it on the down low. That said, I do have a favor to ask. Thursday night (Friday in Bishkek) please pray, chant, meditate, do whatever it is you believe in - for the powers that be to agree on a positive resolution with regard to the current adoption delays. I, and about 62 other families, are praying there is serious good news to share next Monday!

CALL TO ACTION - KYRGYZSTAN

PLEASE consider taking a few moments out of your day to support this CALL TO ACTION:

September 16, 2009

CALL TO ACTION: Kyrgyzstan

Dear Friends and Families,

Joint Council is working closely with Representative Bachmann's Office and the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute (CCAI) to secure a meeting between the Kyrgyz Prime Minister and Members of Congress when the Prime Minister is in the United States next week. Members of Congress are very interested in meeting the Prime Minister in order to discuss ways that Congress and the United States Government can assist in positively resolving issues related to intercountry adoption, child protection and child welfare. Members of Congress plan to send a letter to the Kyrgyz Embassy requesting a meeting. In order to ensure that as many Congressional Offices have signed the letter requesting the meeting and are in attendance at the meeting Joint Council is initiating a Call to Action requesting the 65 families contact their Senators and Congressmen. Joint Council requests that all families contact their U.S. Senators and Congresspersons today, September 16th and and tomorrow, September 17 to ensure the letter arrives at the Kyrgyz Embassy by Friday, September 18th. The purpose of your call is to request they sign the letter being sent to the Kyrgyz Embassy and, if a meeting occurs, the Member of Congress attend the meeting.

Either today or tomorrow we request that you do the following:

1) Call both of your U.S. Senators and your representatives in the U.S. House of Representatives:

You can find your Senators' phone numbers and email address at www.senate.gov

You can find your Representatives' phone numbers and email address at www.house.gov

2) Include the following in your calls and emails:

"As constituents, I/we urge the Senator/Congressperson to sign the letter to the Kyrgyz Embassy sponsored by Rep. Bachmann's office and attend the potential meeting with the Kyrgyz Prime Minister should it occur.

If they have not heard about the letter or the potential meeting, ask them to contact Blair Bjellos from Rep. Bachmann's Office, the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute or Joint Council at (703) 535-8045.

3) Send an email to everyone you called:

The email is important, but the phone call should be placed first.

Additionally, feel free to forward this request to your friends and family, asking them to contact their Senators and Congresspersons requesting they attend the meeting.

Thank you!

Best Wishes,

Rebecca Harris
Director of Programs and Services

A possible break........

A couple of weeks ago a number of potential adoptive mamas, myself included, were contacted and interviewed by a reporter for EurasiaNet. Her intent was to tell the story of what the orphans of Kyrgyzstan and ourselves have endured over the past year. She did an excellent job.

Please click the link below and check out this article. It is one of the first truly honest pieces of information to be shared on a large scale. Please forward it to every senator, congressperson, friend, relative, and neighbor you can think of. Getting this story out there, into people's heads and hearts and hopefully onto the desks of influential Kyrgyz government officials could in some way help get the waiting children home to their families.

EurasiaNet Eurasia Insight - Kyrgyzstan: Adoption Reform Leaves Kyrgyz orphans, American families, in Limbo

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Aztalan and Little Amerika

Today is one of those picture perfect Wisconsin summer days. We decided to head to Aztalan State Park, a mere 20 minutes from our house. Neither of us had been there since we were kids. It is one of the most incredible historical landmarks in Wisconsin. The vast acreage is so well-maintained (and WAY bigger than I remember). We walked most of the trails and hills and were pretty wiped out by the end! I just can't get over how beautiful and peaceful it is there. E really enjoyed it. It's such a great (safe) place to just let kids run; although he was begging to be carried toward the end. :)








After a lot of walking and a picnic lunch, we decided to head to Little Amerika - an amusement park also near our home. I've driven past it my whole life and was always a little.......apprehensive. Turns out it's a pretty nice, little place for small kids and while E wasn't too excited about most of the rides, he enjoyed the boats (on the condition I ride with him-thank God there are no pictures of me getting in and out of that thing!) Their train ride was really exceptional. As we were leaving, there was a man making balloon animals for the children. Well, E LOVES balloons, so he got in line. Each of the children would step forward and state their balloon animal request - bunny, puppy, balloon sword, etc.; and the guy was really quite good at making them. Until......E marches up and tells the man "I want a green number". Yup - my "little Einstein" felt an animal was far too juvenile for him - he wanted a number. Poor guy looked at us kind of dumbfounded and then decided he could probably handle making a number 8. E was happy, so all was good. :)

First Day of School

Never in a million years would I have thought I'd be sending my THREE year old off to school with a backpack full of actual school supplies. But....today I did it. E had a lot of anxiety about starting preschool; most of it surrounding the bus ride he has to take back to daycare when preschool is done. I wanted to drop him off on the first day so I switched shifts to be able to do that. I expected tears, but much to my surprise he ran off to play with his new friends and teacher and I was left to my own...tears, that is. He is growing up so fast. He is doing things that 2 years ago we never imagined he would be doing by now. I am one proud (and a little sad) mama today!

Oh, and when I got home and asked him how his first day of preschool was. He was totally nonchalant and cool about riding the bus.

He insisted we take his picture by his letters - this boy is obsessed with spelling!
Trying to run to the car before I could get his outside picture

My little baby....all grown up.

Home Sweet Home

Ahhhhh - it's nice to be home! While we had an incredible vacation, it's always nice to come home, isn't it? We got home late yesterday afternoon and I am back at work today, so you'll have to wait for pictures. There are over 300 on my camera to download, edit, sort, etc. We travelled just under 2,700 miles without an accident, major mechanical problem, illness or injury. That in itself is a great trip! We saw and did so many cool things.

We arrived in Denver on Saturday and had a great time getting together at blog-buddy Kimberly's house for dinner. Sunday we had the Adoption Alliance picnic and while it was the hottest day of the year, it was still fun. Being able to meet "friends" and their families and see all the Kyrgyz cuties who've made it home was heartwarming. We hit the Denver Aquarium in the evening and I would vote it one of the coolest places I've ever been. Monday we went to the Butterfly Pavilion (E's favorite) and The Railroad Museum (Kevin's favorite). We went to the Adoption Alliance office and met some of the staff and then had dinner with Karen, AA Kyrgyzstan coordinator, Tami Snowden and her beautiful daughter, Tabi. Those of you in the Kyrgyz adoption community probably know or know of Tammy and Tabi - remarkable young women!! Tuesday took us to the Denver Zoo and Denver Children's Museum. That zoo is definitely the best one we've ever been to and E had a blast at the Children's Museum. Wednesday we made the drive through the mountains out to Glenwood Springs. We spent the evening and part of the day Thursday there. It is a truly beautiful part of the country. We began the looooong trip home Thursday evening and made it to North Platte, Nebraska...........can't really think of anything to say about North Platte - it's as boring as it sounds! Friday we headed for Lincoln. We checked in to our hotel in the afternoon and just relaxed at the pool. In the evening we went to Lost in Fun which is an incredible indoor play center for kids. It's my goal to find an investor and build/operate one of these! Saturday we visited the Wildlife Safari and Tiny Town in Omaha before heading on to Des Moines to sleep for the night. Sunday we had an uneventful, relaxing ride home.

E did incredibly well considering he's never really travelled (well, except the 6,000 miles home when he was 1). Meltdowns became a little more frequent toward the end of the trip, but nothing worse than any other three year old. He had a lot of fun, loved seeing the animals, the mountains and staying in hotels. He even overcame his fear of the elevator. Now he "likes the alligator" and wants to push the buttons for us.

I promise to post pictures sometime in the next week.

Road Trip

Gosh it's been a long time since I posted! I guess there's not been a whole lot to report. When an entire country goes on vacation for a month, nothing much happens. Imagine that!

Today, though, I had a wonderful surprise when I opened my email and found new pictures of our gorgeous girl. She still looks tiny and weak, but her eyes tell me she is hanging on to a lot of spirit! While it's been extremely painful to watch her grow up through photos this past year, I still feel blessed that I am allowed to wait to be her Mommy. Hopefully September will bring everyone back to work rejuvenated and ready for action.

Tomorrow the Fenske's are off for a much needed family vacation. We're headed to Colorado for Adoption Alliance's Annual Family Picnic. We're so excited to meet some of the families who have their Kyrgyz cuties home and some who are still waiting. We've got lots of other fun things planned, too. I'm really looking forward to some time away with my guys! I just know the weather will be beautiful, travel will be safe, the van will run great, and we'll all be healthy!

We're not taking a computer and I'm going to try REAL hard to avoid the hotel computers, so we'll see you in 11 days!

Infinity............

The news coming out of Kyrgyzstan this week has a hint of positivity with a giant helping of uncertainty. It does not appear we are close to a resolution and if I may be slightly less than optimistic and positive for a moment, I have strong doubts that K will be home this year. Honestly, how long can this possibly go on?

Election...check

Well, the election is over (hopefully) and the outcome was pretty much as I expected. The incumbent president, Bakyiev, has "won" and life in the Kyrgyz Government should return to normal. Yeah - right and I've got a bridge to sell you. There are accusations of ballot stuffing and coercion flying all over and opposition parties are calling for a re-run. While I doubt strongly that that will happen, I expect things will remain quite tense for months to come.
What is so sad is that the honest, hardworking people of Kyrgyzstan who want so desperately to believe their country is a democracy and that their votes really do count, aren't being allowed to feel that sense of pride.

I would be a fool to speculate about how this could/will affect our pending adoption. All year the thought was just get through the election and things will get back on track. I'm not so sure that "getting through" this election is going to have any effect at all.

Kyrgyz Kids Rock!

As do Kazakh, Russian and US kids! :)

I had the pleasure on Sunday to be surrounded by some of the most wonderful children in the world (and their parents, too). We hosted a little WI-Kyrgyzstan Family Picnic and I finally got to meet blog buddy, Janiece, her incredible family, and reconnect with two other families of 3 beautiful Kyrgyz adoptees. The weather couldn't have been more beautiful and I think fun was had by all.




We tried really hard to get pictures of the kids sitting together and while it was a valiant effort, children of this particular age group don't seem real interested in posing for a photo op. Try to get them sitting, looking ahead and smiling all at the same time - forget it. They're still pretty darn cute, though!



The whole group!

Julia's expression says it all......


I can't wait until next year when there will be 2 more! (right, Jes?) ;)

One Year Ago Today.....

We received a referral of a tiny, three week old baby girl. It took us a matter of minutes to decide that she would be our daughter very soon. That was then.
She is now over a year old (albeit the size of a 3 month old) and we are still waiting. Nothing is happening in Kyrgyzstan. There's been positive press over the last month thanks to our three Kyrgyz Delegates, but nothing solid. We all keep hoping that after the election in 12 days, we will see movement.
Deep down, I fear that is just another arbitrary date that come and go with all the rest.

Random Pictures

K's Birthday Party


C'mon, Daddy, let's get this slide on!

Redneck Water Slide


Making music (thank you, Aunt Jean, for teaching him this - I'm sure our social worker would be impressed)!

Working hard

Cooling off

The Maiden Voyage (first time riding in the road)

Happy 1st Birthday sweet girl. Never in a million years would I have believed that we would not be together for your special day. Even though you are 6,433 miles away, I hope you know you are safe in our hearts. There are a lot of people fighting for you. With luck, they will be successful and we will be a family one day soon.

We're having a party here at home for you tonight. Your big brother will blow out your candle for you. I've arranged something special for you and your brothers and sisters in the orphanage - I hope it happens.

CALL TO ACTION

I feel honored to have been invited to help represent the 65 waiting families at a meeting with the Kyrgyz Delegation on Friday, May 29, in Washington D.C. The meeting is planned for 11-12:30 EST and is being hosted by Department of State. In attendance will be representatives from 6 families with ties to Kyrgyzstan adoption, members of JCICS and the Kyrgyz Delegation. The Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute has also secured a meeting with Members of Congress which is scheduled to occur at 2:00 p.m. EST. We are hopeful that these meetings will put a personal spin on our plea and arm the delegation with resources and information to take back to Kyrgyzstan to present to key decision makers.

Please take a moment to read the Call to Action below issued by JCICS and consider taking time out of your busy schedules to make a phone call or two on Tuesday. I'm sure each and every one of our waiting children would be grateful for your support.

CALL TO ACTION: Kyrgyzstan

Dear Friends and Families,

As noted in Joint Council's President & CEO's communication yesterday Joint Council has worked closely with the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute (CCAI) to secure a 15 minute meeting with Congressional Staffers and the six families traveling to Washington D.C. to represent the group. The meeting and will occur just before the Kyrgyz delegation meets with Congressional staffers. In order to ensure that as many Congressional Offices are in attendance at the two meetings Joint Council is initiating a Call to Action requesting the 65 families contact their Senators and Congressmen. Joint Council requests that all families contact their U.S. Senators and Congress persons on Tuesday, May 26th. The purpose of your call is to request they attend the meetings on Friday, May 29th. Please note that Friday, May 29th is during a Congressional Recess.

On Tuesday, May 26th we request that you do the following:

1) Call both of your U.S. Senators and your representatives in the U.S. House of Representatives:

You can find your Senators' phone numbers and email address at www.senate.gov

You can find your Representatives' phone numbers and email address at www.house.gov

2) Include the following in your calls and emails:

"As constituents, I/we urge the Senator/Congressperson to attend the meeting with Kyrgyz officials hosted by Senator Landrieu and the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute on Friday, May 29th."

If they have not heard about the meeting, ask them to contact the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute at (202) 544-8500 or Joint Council at (703) 535-8045.

3) Send an email to everyone you called:

The email is important, but the phone call should be placed first.

Additionally, feel free to forward this request to your friends and family, asking them to contact their Senators and Congress persons requesting they attend the meeting.

Thank you!

Rebecca Harris
Government Relations and Communications Manager

Kevin

Five years ago today, I stood in front of God, my family, my friends and married my best friend. Today's post is dedicated to my husband, the love of my life.

I think it's pretty rare these days to find a truly healthy relationship. People don't believe me when I say we don't fight. Do we get on each other's nerves now and again, sure; do we disagree about things, sure; but one thing we do not do is yell, scream, or disrespect each other. We are different people living the same life and we strive to make it work. We have been through a lot in our 8 years together. We've had some incredibly happy, crazy times together and we've shared a lot of sorrow. We've been through two major moves, the loss of loved ones, 3 years of infertility treatment, 1 lightening fast international adoption and another stalled in process. We've dealt with a lot of financial difficulty as a result of all of the above. Any of those things could've resulted in us drifting apart, but instead, we have grown stronger as a couple.

Kevin is by far one of the most caring, compassionate men I've ever known. He is intelligent, loving, honest, hardworking and the BEST father E could ever ask for. He loves me unconditionally and reminds me every day that I am a beautiful person (despite my extra 40 pounds). He is supportive, kind and genuine.

So, today, my dear - Happy Anniversary! Thank you for always being there to support me. Thank you for loving me no matter what. Thank you for always treating me with respect. Thank you for being the most patient, loving and amazing father to E. I look forward to all the future will bring for us.

A Really Hard Day

This is not a fluffy, happy post, so consider yourself warned.

Today I went shopping - alone. While I love my guy more than anything, I will admit when I have serious shopping to do, going it alone is a treat. My goal today was to find outfits for an upcoming wedding. I wear scrubs every day and cargo pants/T-shirts on the weekend. Esen is growing too fast and is too down and dirty to really have a "dress" wardrobe. Shopping for clothes is hard for me to begin with - I'm tall and not exactly svelte and I HATE to spend money on clothes. Scrounging through clearance racks of three stores I managed to put together a reasonable outfit for myself (for only $19 mind you-a savings of just over $60), so that was a small victory. Trying to find clothes for a rapidly growing, tall but very slim 3 yr old boy is tough, too. As I wandered through the infant/toddler sections I found it really hard to hold back the tears. There were racks upon racks of beautiful, cute little dresses that I should've been looking through for K. She was supposed to be home. She was supposed to come to this wedding with us, to this afternoon's birthday party with us, on vacation in August with us. She will not be with us. She continues to languish in an orphanage. She continues to grow older not knowing how it feels to be loved. She continues to change - physically - not receiving the medical care she desperately needs.

We had a conference call this week that brought more frustrating news. Adoptions will probably not be back on the agenda until after the elections in July. If anyone has followed the recent political turmoil I don't have to tell you what this means. For those who haven't, it means July will come and with it more excuses. If a new president is elected, who knows what the future will hold for our children. If the current president stays in office, there will likely be more political unrest halting the processing of our adoptions indefinitely.

We continue to be told that our cases WILL be processed, it's just a matter of WHEN. After all of the lies and excuses, I'm finding it pretty difficult to believe that statement to be true. Why would they lie about everything else, but be truthful about that.

Meanwhile, I go through the motions of each day. I get up, go to work, come home and do it all over again the next day. For the most part, I put on my happy face and hide my hurting heart. I don't know if I will ever bring K home, if I will ever hold her, fall in love with her, show her that she is important and valued. For the first time, I feel really hopeless. I have serious doubts that adoptions are going to continue in Kyrgyzstan this year. I don't know where this journey is taking us, but I do know that I will not give up on K until every last door is slammed shut. I know that we will trudge forward and deal with the daily disappointments. I know it is not over yet. But today, hard as it is for me to admit, I am weak and I am really, really sad.

MY Day

So, people call it a Hallmark Holiday, but I will be the first to admit, I LOVE Mother's Day. It's a day when all the busy, sometimes under-appreciated mom's out there get a pat on the back for all they do. I know I grew up not telling my mom often enough how much I appreciated all she did for me. I know I gave her lots of gray hairs and many sleepless nights. I also know that without her I wouldn't be the woman or the mom I am today. So, to my mom - THANK YOU!

I feel so blessed today to be Mom to one of the coolest, most adorable little guys on the planet. In the business of day to day life when we're worrying about schedules and messes and bills (oh the many, many bills), we sometimes forget just how important people are in our lives. E is definitely by far the most important thing in my life and today I will hold him tighter.

I know today is a bittersweet day for many moms still waiting to bring their children home from Kyrgyzstan. It is for me, too. My heart hurts for K, but today, selfishly, it hurts for me, too. I want her home! To all of the waiting moms, my virtual friends, Happy Mother's Day! You are strong, loving women - moms already who are fighting for their children even though they are not physically with you yet. Hopefully this week brings good news for all of us!

Oh Lord - my bestest Kyrgyz Adoptive Mama Blog Buddy, Michelle, has bestowed upon me the great honor "Queen of ALLL things Awe-summm". While I sure don't see myself as such, how can I possibly argue with a doctor, wife and mommy of four.

Now, I have to think of 7 things awesome about myself. Pretty daunting task for an average, working-class, Wisconsin girl, but I'll do my best.

1. I am mommy to the coolest, smartest, cutest, funniest kid in the world! Okay, maybe that makes him Awe-summm, but anyway.....

2. I am "street" smart. Yup - a warning to my children present and future: Whatever it is that's against the rules, DON'T do it and if you do, DON'T lie about it! I have been there, done it, lied about it and eventually got caught (for most of it anyway).

3. I am honest. Want to know something...anything...just ask, I will give it to you straight. Honesty can be pretty hard to come by in this world today and this is one quality I think DOES make me Awe-summm!

4. I'm determined. C'mon, tell me I can't do something - I dare ya'. Once I set my mind to something - it WILL happen.

5. I can multi-task like crazy! Whether it's work or home, I can always seem to get a million things done in half the time it would take someone else to do them.

6. I go to great lengths to preserve E's history. I keep all of his artwork, therapy reports, medical reports, special toys, party decorations, etc., labeled and packed away. I keep a scrapbook (although I'm many months behind on it) so that he has a record of his life. Perhaps one day he'll realize I'm just a big dork, but for now - it's pretty cool.

7. I know what is to love and be loved unconditionally - for that, my husband is the one who deserves to be crowned King of ALLL things Awe-summm!

I am supposed to tag seven fellow bloggers. I'm sure some have already been tagged because they are certainly all very deserving of this title. All are adoptive mamas - some current and some in process. All are intelligent, caring, hard-working women and 2 are fellow Wisconsinites.

Pamela; Kimberly; Ann; Jes; Cyndi; Janiece; Lisa