Pictures

I'm home today for a couple more hours. E is napping so I thought instead of yet another picture-less post, I'd give you a little sampling of our holiday. M continues to maintain. She's happy and comfortable, eating well, tolerating her medications. We're hoping for surgery next week if things continue to go well.

Happy New Year Everyone!

Best buddies (until Cash demolished the gingerbread train).

The gingerbread train about 30 minutes before it was demolished by Cash.

M wasn't having any part of Santa. E asked for.....letters and numbers!

Yes, she always looks this surprised!

Christmas Eve 2009.

Day 1 - before the Hickman.

That's my girl - always making the best of a difficult situation.

Have you ever seen such an angelic face?
My crazy kiddos!

Hanging out at Children's

Yup-we're still here. M is doing well, considering. She got a Hickman cath placed to receive her antibiotics and draw blood from. No more pokes makes her and mama very happy girls. The word on the street is that we'll be here at least two weeks if not closer to three. I guess that's pretty average for a kiddo in her position. I won't lie, it's tough to feel like a good wife and mom when your children are over an hour apart. I've been here at the hospital since Saturday afternoon, with a break yesterday to run home and spend some time with E. Kevin is going to start spending some time up here this weekend and next week. I've noticed that there are very few families that actually stay with their children here. I found it quite odd, but I don't, of course, know their circumstances. I guess I feel like M was abandoned once and spent almost 4 months alone in a hospital I can't imagine doing it to her again. That said, our plan is to have someone here with her all the time.

I should answer the question that several people have eluded to, although not been brave enough to pose to me directly. Do we regret adopting M? The answer is absolutely, without a doubt, NO! We did not enter into this adoption blindly or naively. We knew we could be in for a very long, difficult road. Did we hope that she would have an easy course? For sure, doesn't every parent hope that for their children? We had great hopes that she would not need multiple shunt revisions, that she would not develop an infection, that she would continue to grow and thrive and make it through infancy unscathed. The fact that she hasn't, doesn't change the fact that she is our daughter and we love her unconditionally. Truthfully, I don't know how we're going to do it. I don't know how we'll manage our time with her, with E, with each other. I don't know how we'll manage time away from work and I definitely don't know how we're going to manage financially. There really aren't any answers right now and I can't spend every waking moment searching for them. Fact is, my baby is sick and she didn't ask to be; but I asked to be her Mommy. I will be there for her regardless of what obstacles are put in our way.

So, please continue to pray for our girl and our whole family. Pray that we all have the strength and resolve to weather this storm.

Take 5....for real this time

So, the suitcase has been packed and ready for over a week - I figured by being ready for another hospitalization we'd ward off the evil spirits. Sadly, I was wrong this time. M has meningitis - likely due to a shunt infection. She was just taken to the OR where they will remove her complete shunt system and place an external shunt for the time being. We will be here in the PICU for about 5 days if all goes well. Then, a new shunt will need to be placed. I hope and pray this is the last round of surgeries for a while. My girlie needs a break! Please pray for M and for the surgeons working on her. I will update when I can.

Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday

We have so much to be thankful for this Christmas. We have been unbelievably blessed this past year. E has been healthy and growing like crazy. He's turning into quite the little man. Not a day goes by that he doesn't amaze me with something he says or does. M was brought into our hearts, lives and family. Her adoption was a complete unexpected blessing. She has brought even more joy and love to our home. Five years ago I never would've imagined that I would enjoy all the noise and chaos as much as I do. Kevin and I are still securely employed in jobs we actually like - a true miracle in this economy! K, despite her circumstances, continues to grow and appears to be doing quite well. The Christmas dress I bought last year for her to wear this year still hangs in the closet with tags on. Her crib stands empty. Today, she is 18 months old - one and a half years have passed without her knowing the love of a family. We pray that the coming year will finally bring us all together. We will never give up the hope that she will come home to us. She is a part of our lives and always will be, no matter what the future brings.

Merry Christmas to you all! I pray that everyone has a safe and happy holiday. And yes, there will be Christmas pictures posted soon - I promise!!

Music to my ears

M had her neurosurgery follow up yesterday. We saw our favorite NP who, as usual, spent a lot of time thoroughly examining M and chatting with me. For the very first time since we first found out about M and starting talking to doctors, I heard the words I've been waiting to hear: "There is no PVL (click here to learn more) noted on her scans at this time." Doctors have been very careful, as they should be, not to give guarantees or false hope. I completely and totally understand that it is impossible to know the extent of the damage to M's brain from her bleeds and hydrocephalus for years to come. However, to hear that there is no PVL visualized on her scans is absolute music to my ears! M continues to have a leak around her shunt which causes fluid build-up on the back of her head. It swells and then goes down throughout the day. She is, for the most part, happy and comfortable. She is eating well (VERY well) and alert. It seems that her ventricles are equilibrating and it is just going to take some time for her body to adjust to this new shunt system. We will continue to watch her closely and say healing prayers.

Take 5.........

It's been a long week here at the Fenskes. On Wednesday, I awoke to find the back of M's head swelling yet again. In usual fashion, the pediatric neurosurgery clinic worked her in for an evaluation. Unfortunately, our primary neurosurgeon is out of the country for a month so we saw one of the two NPs. I had met one of them prior to M's last surgery and really liked her a lot. To my disappointment, she was not the one we saw. The neurosurgeon covering did not have time to see us (and when he finally did many hours later, I was not real impressed), so the resident took care of us for the most part. He is actually really good - I had my doubts last time, but after getting to know him a little better, I really like him and trust him a lot. After tapping M's shunt and reviewing the MRI, it was decided she would be admitted to the hospital for monitoring and possible surgery Thursday morning. I had a really difficult time believing that my baby was going to have her FIFTH brain surgery in four months!! An xray shunt series and abdominal ultrasound revealed no obvious problems with any part of the shunt system. This was good news, however, we still didn't have an answer for her swelling and irritability. It was a looooooong night as M did nothing but cry frantically. The resident saw us again in the morning and it was decided that surgery would not be happening for now. They were hesitant to cut into her yet again without absolute proof of a shunt problem, especially since her sutures haven't even dissolved from the last surgery. The current theory is that she has a leak around the shunt catheter and that it is ever so slightly possible it will seal itself off. So, we are home, watching and waiting....hoping and praying.

My Brave, Little Soldier

Now that we've had time to take a breath, I thought I'd provide a better update. When I woke M up Monday morning, I noticed a large swelling at the back of her head. It wasn't there at 2 a.m. and was quite big at 6 a.m. Knowing that she had been having some fluid accumulation in her fourth ventricle I pretty much figured surgery was going to be our course. I was able to see our neurosurgeon at 10:00 a.m. and after an MRI to confirm the shunt failure, we were admitted to the hospital by about 12:30 p.m. Surgery was scheduled for 3:00. After an hour and half of nurses and the venous access people trying to start an IV, the OR decided they couldn't wait any longer and we were taken to pre-op. M was taken into surgery around 3:30. At 5:00 a nurse came in to give me an update. I assumed she was coming to tell me surgery was finished (it was supposed to take about an hour and a half). She was coming to tell me that they were just now getting started. It took 1 1/2 hours for the anesthesiologists to get her IV started. She ended up with a femoral line. The actual surgery took a little longer than originally thought, but our doc was extremely pleased with the outcome. He decided to remove M's original shunt and replace it with a different type. He also changed the position a bit. Hopefully this will be her last surgery for a long while. Four brain surgeries in four months is just too much for anyone! We stayed in the hospital overnight and after M recovered from her respiratory problems, she rested comfortably. We were discharged late yesterday afternoon and she continues to do well at home. We'll be hiding out for the next week or so letting her rest and heal. Risk of infection is of course our biggest concern at this time. Thanks again for the prayers and well wishes - it means a lot to us!

Home

Sorry for not posting sooner. M did great with her surgery. It was much longer than expected, mostly due to the fact that they could not get her IV started down in the OR. She did well, however, experiencing only some transient respiratory problems last night. We are home and trying to settle in. Thank you to everyone who called, emailed, and stopped by. It sure is great to know that so many people are praying for your child.

Surgery

I am posting from the Children's Hospital Surgery waiting area. Sweet baby M had to have an emergency shunt replacement this afternoon. She is in surgery now and I'm asking for prayers and healing thoughts to be sent out for her. I will update as soon as I am able.

Thank you!

Doctors...doctors....and more doctors

Hi all!

Boy you'd sure think I'd have tons of free time to blog what with not working an all. This little girl really keeps me running! Between trying to keep the house as clean and germ-free as possible and getting her to all of her doctor appointments, there's not time for much else.

Overall, M is doing pretty well. Her sleep has improved some, however, she is battling a nasty cold so that complicates things a bit. I looked back and there have only been 4 days since we've been home that we've not gone to a doctor appointment. We're getting her established and getting to know all the doctors and specialists. So far, I love them all!! We are so blessed to have access to some of the finest medical professionals and facilities in the nation.

E is doing great, too. He is learning, although not happily at times, how to share Mommy's and Daddy's attention. He is the best helper I could've ever asked for. He is always asking me what I need and running to get diapers, wipes, the "booger sucker", toys, blankets, you name it. He's not super cuddly with M yet, which during the cold and flu season is probably a good thing. (Oh - and no, it was not his birthday or anything. I made him a cake and we had a "Big Brother Party").

While I'm pretty worn out at the end....who am I kidding....the beginning, middle and end of the day, I'm finding it so incredibly rewarding to be a mom to two beautiful children. I've been subject several times over the last two weeks to the "you are such a saint" comment and I just want to say - we adopted the children that chose us. Yes, they have special needs, yes they were born into unfortunate circumstances. We do not claim to be saints, nor do we feel like our lives are any different than anyone else's lives with two children. The only difference I see is that we manage our time a little differently, and have more appointments to manage and resources to employ. The thing is, it's all we know. So, thank you, I know you mean well, but we really are just a couple of people who wanted children. We have been blessed beyond imagination with the two we have and look forward to adding K to our family also.

Alright, I know why you really came here and for your patience, you will be rewarded. Here's some of my favorites from this week:

The Princess

Our little miracle......

I guess it's time to spill the beans......

A couple of weeks ago, we found out about a little girl born in Louisiana. We spent days pouring over her medical records and searching our hearts to decide if she was our daughter. She was....and now, she is!

Baby M was born at just over 25 weeks - 1 pounds 7 ounces. She suffered Respiratory Distress Syndrome and a Grade III-IV Intraventricular hemorrhage. Subsequently, she developed hydrocephalus. She was on a vent for a little over a month. In her second week of life, she was transferred to the NICU at Children's Hospital in New Orleans where her care was managed for the next 14 weeks.

Little M had a temporary reservoir placed to drain her excess cerebrospinal fluid while she grew and became stronger. When she was big enough, she had a permanent ventriculoperitoneal shunt placed. The shunt functioned well and despite one minor revision about 2 weeks ago and a couple adjustments, she has not encountered any difficulties.

M did great while in the NICU and was a favorite of many of her nurses. This is evidenced by the fact that she really does not tolerate being put down......EVER! :) She continued to grow and thrive and was discharged to us on Monday, November 2nd.

It is unsure what the future holds for M with regard to her physical and mental development. She will certainly have some obstacles to overcome secondary to her prematurity, hemorrhage and hydrocephalus. The good news is that she has amazed all of her doctors and right now at just under 40 weeks gestational age, she is doing everything that a child her age should be doing.

So, here were are, in our hotel in Metairie, LA, hanging with our girl. We're praying that ICPC goes through tomorrow and we can return home on Friday. There's a little boy at home missing his mommy and daddy and a mommy and daddy in LA missing their little boy something fierce! I cannot wait to scoop him up in my arms again!It's a little scary to be travelling with a preemie who is so susceptible to colds and infections, but she is one tough girl!

Our camera and computer have decided not to play nice this week so unfortunately, I only have one picture to offer right now. There will be many, many more after we return home and get settled back in.

Without further adieu......

...and.....we wait some more

This week began with so much promise. Promise for good news and something to celebrate for 62 families and their potential children. That ended today, for now anyway. There are a few positives - our government is engaged in our situation, we're getting positive press, a couple of Kyrgyz government officials have agreed that there needs to be a resolution. Unfortunately, there is still no end in sight, no light at the end of this dark tunnel. Unfortunately, K, and 65+ other children will continue to languish in institutions. Unfortunately, they will spend another Thanksgiving, another Christmas, another birthday alone and feeling unloved. Unfortunately, our hearts will continue to break a little more each day as we remain separated from these children, whom we've grown to love. While I'm convinced there will be an end someday and that most of the matched children will come home to their families, realistically I also know that happy ending will not come without sacrifice. Children have died during this delay; children have suffered irreversible physical and emotional damage that may cause their adoptions to be disrupted; children have been taken back by their birth families. As winter approaches and energy is in high demand, the orphanages will no doubt have to give up the luxury of 24 hour a day heat. They will most likely not have medicine for illnesses, they will most likely not have enough food, their water supplies may be compromised. The longer this drags out, the more children we will lose. I pray every day that we don't lose K, but I know in her fragile physical state, there is a strong possibility that it could happen. We could be the next family to receive that devastating phone call. Please keep all of the children of Kyrgyzstan in your prayers in the coming months.

Disapointment and Sadness

Please pray for Blog Buddy Beth as she works through a very emotionally difficult time. Any adoption process brings with it risks that we all have to face. It takes a special human being to completely open their hearts to a child that, in reality, may never come home to them. We all do it, and we all have fears, but most of us never have to deal with that kind of heartbreak and disappointment. As adoptive parents we want to know that our children came to us ethically and legally. We'd hate to find out later that their birth parents indeed wanted to raise them. If a child is meant to be with their first family, then it's good for that to be discovered before an adoption takes place. It does not, however, make it any easier for a Mother who has loved a child for his entire life to let him go. Please keep Beth and little "B" in your prayers. Please pray for "B"s birth mother that she has made and continues to make the right choices for her son.

Moving Mountains

I wish I were at liberty to share all of the promising news of the last week. However, at this time, it is "safer" to keep it on the down low. That said, I do have a favor to ask. Thursday night (Friday in Bishkek) please pray, chant, meditate, do whatever it is you believe in - for the powers that be to agree on a positive resolution with regard to the current adoption delays. I, and about 62 other families, are praying there is serious good news to share next Monday!

CALL TO ACTION - KYRGYZSTAN

PLEASE consider taking a few moments out of your day to support this CALL TO ACTION:

September 16, 2009

CALL TO ACTION: Kyrgyzstan

Dear Friends and Families,

Joint Council is working closely with Representative Bachmann's Office and the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute (CCAI) to secure a meeting between the Kyrgyz Prime Minister and Members of Congress when the Prime Minister is in the United States next week. Members of Congress are very interested in meeting the Prime Minister in order to discuss ways that Congress and the United States Government can assist in positively resolving issues related to intercountry adoption, child protection and child welfare. Members of Congress plan to send a letter to the Kyrgyz Embassy requesting a meeting. In order to ensure that as many Congressional Offices have signed the letter requesting the meeting and are in attendance at the meeting Joint Council is initiating a Call to Action requesting the 65 families contact their Senators and Congressmen. Joint Council requests that all families contact their U.S. Senators and Congresspersons today, September 16th and and tomorrow, September 17 to ensure the letter arrives at the Kyrgyz Embassy by Friday, September 18th. The purpose of your call is to request they sign the letter being sent to the Kyrgyz Embassy and, if a meeting occurs, the Member of Congress attend the meeting.

Either today or tomorrow we request that you do the following:

1) Call both of your U.S. Senators and your representatives in the U.S. House of Representatives:

You can find your Senators' phone numbers and email address at www.senate.gov

You can find your Representatives' phone numbers and email address at www.house.gov

2) Include the following in your calls and emails:

"As constituents, I/we urge the Senator/Congressperson to sign the letter to the Kyrgyz Embassy sponsored by Rep. Bachmann's office and attend the potential meeting with the Kyrgyz Prime Minister should it occur.

If they have not heard about the letter or the potential meeting, ask them to contact Blair Bjellos from Rep. Bachmann's Office, the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute or Joint Council at (703) 535-8045.

3) Send an email to everyone you called:

The email is important, but the phone call should be placed first.

Additionally, feel free to forward this request to your friends and family, asking them to contact their Senators and Congresspersons requesting they attend the meeting.

Thank you!

Best Wishes,

Rebecca Harris
Director of Programs and Services

A possible break........

A couple of weeks ago a number of potential adoptive mamas, myself included, were contacted and interviewed by a reporter for EurasiaNet. Her intent was to tell the story of what the orphans of Kyrgyzstan and ourselves have endured over the past year. She did an excellent job.

Please click the link below and check out this article. It is one of the first truly honest pieces of information to be shared on a large scale. Please forward it to every senator, congressperson, friend, relative, and neighbor you can think of. Getting this story out there, into people's heads and hearts and hopefully onto the desks of influential Kyrgyz government officials could in some way help get the waiting children home to their families.

EurasiaNet Eurasia Insight - Kyrgyzstan: Adoption Reform Leaves Kyrgyz orphans, American families, in Limbo

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Aztalan and Little Amerika

Today is one of those picture perfect Wisconsin summer days. We decided to head to Aztalan State Park, a mere 20 minutes from our house. Neither of us had been there since we were kids. It is one of the most incredible historical landmarks in Wisconsin. The vast acreage is so well-maintained (and WAY bigger than I remember). We walked most of the trails and hills and were pretty wiped out by the end! I just can't get over how beautiful and peaceful it is there. E really enjoyed it. It's such a great (safe) place to just let kids run; although he was begging to be carried toward the end. :)








After a lot of walking and a picnic lunch, we decided to head to Little Amerika - an amusement park also near our home. I've driven past it my whole life and was always a little.......apprehensive. Turns out it's a pretty nice, little place for small kids and while E wasn't too excited about most of the rides, he enjoyed the boats (on the condition I ride with him-thank God there are no pictures of me getting in and out of that thing!) Their train ride was really exceptional. As we were leaving, there was a man making balloon animals for the children. Well, E LOVES balloons, so he got in line. Each of the children would step forward and state their balloon animal request - bunny, puppy, balloon sword, etc.; and the guy was really quite good at making them. Until......E marches up and tells the man "I want a green number". Yup - my "little Einstein" felt an animal was far too juvenile for him - he wanted a number. Poor guy looked at us kind of dumbfounded and then decided he could probably handle making a number 8. E was happy, so all was good. :)

First Day of School

Never in a million years would I have thought I'd be sending my THREE year old off to school with a backpack full of actual school supplies. But....today I did it. E had a lot of anxiety about starting preschool; most of it surrounding the bus ride he has to take back to daycare when preschool is done. I wanted to drop him off on the first day so I switched shifts to be able to do that. I expected tears, but much to my surprise he ran off to play with his new friends and teacher and I was left to my own...tears, that is. He is growing up so fast. He is doing things that 2 years ago we never imagined he would be doing by now. I am one proud (and a little sad) mama today!

Oh, and when I got home and asked him how his first day of preschool was. He was totally nonchalant and cool about riding the bus.

He insisted we take his picture by his letters - this boy is obsessed with spelling!
Trying to run to the car before I could get his outside picture

My little baby....all grown up.

Home Sweet Home

Ahhhhh - it's nice to be home! While we had an incredible vacation, it's always nice to come home, isn't it? We got home late yesterday afternoon and I am back at work today, so you'll have to wait for pictures. There are over 300 on my camera to download, edit, sort, etc. We travelled just under 2,700 miles without an accident, major mechanical problem, illness or injury. That in itself is a great trip! We saw and did so many cool things.

We arrived in Denver on Saturday and had a great time getting together at blog-buddy Kimberly's house for dinner. Sunday we had the Adoption Alliance picnic and while it was the hottest day of the year, it was still fun. Being able to meet "friends" and their families and see all the Kyrgyz cuties who've made it home was heartwarming. We hit the Denver Aquarium in the evening and I would vote it one of the coolest places I've ever been. Monday we went to the Butterfly Pavilion (E's favorite) and The Railroad Museum (Kevin's favorite). We went to the Adoption Alliance office and met some of the staff and then had dinner with Karen, AA Kyrgyzstan coordinator, Tami Snowden and her beautiful daughter, Tabi. Those of you in the Kyrgyz adoption community probably know or know of Tammy and Tabi - remarkable young women!! Tuesday took us to the Denver Zoo and Denver Children's Museum. That zoo is definitely the best one we've ever been to and E had a blast at the Children's Museum. Wednesday we made the drive through the mountains out to Glenwood Springs. We spent the evening and part of the day Thursday there. It is a truly beautiful part of the country. We began the looooong trip home Thursday evening and made it to North Platte, Nebraska...........can't really think of anything to say about North Platte - it's as boring as it sounds! Friday we headed for Lincoln. We checked in to our hotel in the afternoon and just relaxed at the pool. In the evening we went to Lost in Fun which is an incredible indoor play center for kids. It's my goal to find an investor and build/operate one of these! Saturday we visited the Wildlife Safari and Tiny Town in Omaha before heading on to Des Moines to sleep for the night. Sunday we had an uneventful, relaxing ride home.

E did incredibly well considering he's never really travelled (well, except the 6,000 miles home when he was 1). Meltdowns became a little more frequent toward the end of the trip, but nothing worse than any other three year old. He had a lot of fun, loved seeing the animals, the mountains and staying in hotels. He even overcame his fear of the elevator. Now he "likes the alligator" and wants to push the buttons for us.

I promise to post pictures sometime in the next week.

Road Trip

Gosh it's been a long time since I posted! I guess there's not been a whole lot to report. When an entire country goes on vacation for a month, nothing much happens. Imagine that!

Today, though, I had a wonderful surprise when I opened my email and found new pictures of our gorgeous girl. She still looks tiny and weak, but her eyes tell me she is hanging on to a lot of spirit! While it's been extremely painful to watch her grow up through photos this past year, I still feel blessed that I am allowed to wait to be her Mommy. Hopefully September will bring everyone back to work rejuvenated and ready for action.

Tomorrow the Fenske's are off for a much needed family vacation. We're headed to Colorado for Adoption Alliance's Annual Family Picnic. We're so excited to meet some of the families who have their Kyrgyz cuties home and some who are still waiting. We've got lots of other fun things planned, too. I'm really looking forward to some time away with my guys! I just know the weather will be beautiful, travel will be safe, the van will run great, and we'll all be healthy!

We're not taking a computer and I'm going to try REAL hard to avoid the hotel computers, so we'll see you in 11 days!

Infinity............

The news coming out of Kyrgyzstan this week has a hint of positivity with a giant helping of uncertainty. It does not appear we are close to a resolution and if I may be slightly less than optimistic and positive for a moment, I have strong doubts that K will be home this year. Honestly, how long can this possibly go on?

Election...check

Well, the election is over (hopefully) and the outcome was pretty much as I expected. The incumbent president, Bakyiev, has "won" and life in the Kyrgyz Government should return to normal. Yeah - right and I've got a bridge to sell you. There are accusations of ballot stuffing and coercion flying all over and opposition parties are calling for a re-run. While I doubt strongly that that will happen, I expect things will remain quite tense for months to come.
What is so sad is that the honest, hardworking people of Kyrgyzstan who want so desperately to believe their country is a democracy and that their votes really do count, aren't being allowed to feel that sense of pride.

I would be a fool to speculate about how this could/will affect our pending adoption. All year the thought was just get through the election and things will get back on track. I'm not so sure that "getting through" this election is going to have any effect at all.

Kyrgyz Kids Rock!

As do Kazakh, Russian and US kids! :)

I had the pleasure on Sunday to be surrounded by some of the most wonderful children in the world (and their parents, too). We hosted a little WI-Kyrgyzstan Family Picnic and I finally got to meet blog buddy, Janiece, her incredible family, and reconnect with two other families of 3 beautiful Kyrgyz adoptees. The weather couldn't have been more beautiful and I think fun was had by all.




We tried really hard to get pictures of the kids sitting together and while it was a valiant effort, children of this particular age group don't seem real interested in posing for a photo op. Try to get them sitting, looking ahead and smiling all at the same time - forget it. They're still pretty darn cute, though!



The whole group!

Julia's expression says it all......


I can't wait until next year when there will be 2 more! (right, Jes?) ;)

One Year Ago Today.....

We received a referral of a tiny, three week old baby girl. It took us a matter of minutes to decide that she would be our daughter very soon. That was then.
She is now over a year old (albeit the size of a 3 month old) and we are still waiting. Nothing is happening in Kyrgyzstan. There's been positive press over the last month thanks to our three Kyrgyz Delegates, but nothing solid. We all keep hoping that after the election in 12 days, we will see movement.
Deep down, I fear that is just another arbitrary date that come and go with all the rest.