Easter Cuteness

Well, E's first Easter was a smashing success! He really had a lot of fun, okay we had more fun and he didn't really care all that much, but it was a great day. He was excited to "find" his basket when he got up, was an angel in church and had a blast at Grandma and Grandpa's. Here's a few highlights:





And after the very long day......

Productivity is a Wonderful Thing

I've had a very productive 2 days. Took a snow day yesterday - no way, no how was I going through that hairy four-hour commute home again like during last month's big snowstorm. We got 14 inches yesterday and home was a very nice place to be snuggled up with my favorite little munchkin.

On the adoption front, I mailed off our I600A today with a big, fat check for the US Department of Homeland Security. Our new home study is not complete yet, but the application along with a letter of request and our birth certificates (which I originally forgot to include and noticed it about 2 hours later - gotta love small towns, the lady at the post office dug out the envelope and opened up again to let me come back and include them) will at least get us an appointment for fingerprinting. I'll send the home study next month or whenever our social worker completes it. Then, we sit back and wait for the coveted I171H.

We also got our donation request packets out to 35 area businesses for our silent auction in June. Hopefully we will get some great items donated.

We have an appointment with our social worker Sunday, April 6. She will do E's final post placement report and also our new home study. I cannot believe we're doing his last report already. Next month it will be one year that he's been with us and he also turn 2! We took a week of vacation for the same week we were in Bishkek last year and will do some fun family things that do not involve crazy foreign drivers, weird food, or really, really long plane trips! We're having a Curious George themed birthday party - his first one at home! His first birthday party was awesome, but a little subdued - it was just the three of us in a small hotel room at the Ak Keme in Bishkek and a tiny, little cake that I was too afraid to eat. E was a sport - I know that had to have been the most frightening week of his life, but he put up with us putting a hat on him, taking tons of pictures and he even tried to rip some of the paper off the presents. Here's a look back at birthday number 1:

Ready to Fly.....

YIKES! Don't tell me I've got another aviator on my hands - the stress will kill me!




Here's a cool picture we got a few weeks ago after the three of us went for a little walk outside:

WE'RE PREGNANT!!

Gotcha, didn't I?!

It's true, though, we ARE pregnant, just in a nontraditional sense. We just packed up our formal application packet with a very large check (thanks Uncle Sam) and our friends at FedEx will have it delivered to our agency by the end of the week. I guess this is how great it feels when you pee on that stick and see those two lines. I personally have not experienced that, but I'm sure it's just as wonderful as this is.

While we are thrilled and excited to move forward, we do so with trepidation. We have just enough funds to complete our application, INS advance processing and home study. This means, if we receive a referral in the next 4-6 months, we will not have the funds necessary to accept the child much less travel to bring him or her home. That scares the pants off us to say the least, yet at the same time our hearts and souls tell us this is the path we are to follow at this time.

We pray that with spring upon us our fundraising efforts will really take off and we humbly ask once again that you consider checking out some of our fundraisers (all of which can be found in the margins of this page) and of course, pass our web address on to all of your family and friends. You know the old saying "it takes a village to raise a child". In our case "it takes a village to bring ours home".

We hope to have more exciting updates in the very near future.

The Waiting........

I kind of forgot about the pain involved with this part of it. The endless waiting on other people to come through for you. Having to depend on someone who really could care less about your cause to do things that are vital to it's progress is exhausting. I am a self-proclaimed control freak and the thing about adoption is that you surrender all control to everything! A very wise adoptive mommy reminded me last week that this is OUR passion, it is not anyone else's. It is up to us and us alone to make it happen. The only control I have left is how I choose to react to our situation. That's a tough pill to swallow because today, I'm not real pleased with our situation.

The broker that is supposed to be working on our refinance has pretty much dropped off the face of the Earth and I suspect it is because she has found out that she cannot make good on the promises she made us. Our federal tax refund has not yet arrived so our formal application materials sit, all filled out, waiting to be mailed. Our appointment for our home study which was to occur in the next couple weeks has yet to be scheduled and no one seems real concerned about any of this.

To top it off, we've been dealing with some medical concerns with E and that is causing much anxiety and stress.

So, after a little pity party and some pouting, I have taken a few steps towards resolutions, I hope. We've contacted a new mortgage company who came highly recommended to help with exactly what we need. The broker is friendly, yet very much business (which I like) and while he is not as confident as the last one, I'm trying to remain positive that he will come up with a good deal for us. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that our tax refund will show up in our account any day now, of course, when it comes to the Feds, crossing your fingers is about all you can do. I'm sending off an email to our agency coordinator requesting an appointment as soon as possible. And, today, I decided to request our police clearances - one teeny, tiny, little piece of the dossier puzzle. Might as well start the hunting and gathering, right?

Tomorrow WILL be a better day!

Our Site Explained

It was brought to my attention that perhaps our site is a little confusing or misleading and I thought I'd try to clear things up.

In the center text area, you will find posts, pictures and any other ramblings I decide to include. This is my spot to just kind of open up, let my feelings/frustrations out and let you all know if there is anything new or exciting going on. These posts are arranged newest first, down to oldest and you can navigate to older posts using the Blog Archive to the right.

Along the right hand side you can a variety of great things. There is a poll you can vote in, links to Kyrgyzstan information, some other great blogs to check out, links to various adoption-related sites and links to exciting fundraisers we are currently conducting.

Please keep in mind that any fundraisers you choose to participate in provide a percentage of sales directly to our adoption fund. You may also visit our mall (see the link at the bottom of the page). The way the mall works is that anything you purchase from any store through our mall link nets a percentage directly into our adoption fund. Just about any store you could ever want is available in our mall and many times online orders can be shipped to the store nearest you for no charge, saving you shipping costs.

Lastly, if you or someone you know is interested in making a direct monetary contribution, it can be done through the "Chip In" button located to the right. Those of you that know me know that asking for money is not something I would normally be able to bring myself to do. The mere thought of it, makes me cringe. However, this is something I believe in with the deepest part of my heart and soul and therefore, I am humbly asking if you are able and feel compelled to donate to a cause, that you consider donating to our cause this year. We currently have just under half of what we need to reach our goal and must raise about $24,000.00 more. Please remember that the money we raise does not go to us, it is not profit, every penny helps and every penny we raise goes directly toward bringing another child out of poverty and into a better life.

I couldn't resist taking this quiz, too!

What type of Mother Hen Are You?
by Montessorimom.com: Educational Resource

Adoption News

Hmmm.....I wish there was some. This is a very difficult time for me as there is nothing we can currently do but wait. All those helpless feelings I had little more than a year ago are flooding back to join the already existing anxiety and fear that I feel. Fear that we will not "get in" before our agency's program closes to new applicants. Anxiety about who our child will be. Fear that we will never be able to raise the money we need to bring our baby home. Anxiety about what type of special need our child will have and whether I am really as prepared to handle it as I think I am.

We have notified both of our agencies that we are beginning the process again and for now, that is all we can do. In March, when our social worker visits to complete our final post placement report for E, she will also complete a new homestudy that we will use for LP's adoption. We are stuck right now, unable to file our formal application for the Kyrgyzstan program because that, like everything, costs money - money we just don't have right now. It makes me feel a little hopeless - if we don't even have the money to get started, how on Earth are we ever going to have the money to finish? Our taxes are sitting at the accountant waiting to be done and filed and as soon as we get our refund, we will file that formal application and get the ball rolling.

I shopped today and while I stood in the checkout examining every single (generic) item I purchased, wondering if I got the best deal I possibly could, digging through my coupon sorter to find just another 25 cents off, I looked around and noticed that so many people were buying so much "stuff" - a flat screen TV, name brand shampoo, expensive diapers, "stuff" that I wouldn't have thought twice about buying before and now could not possibly bring myself to indulge in. I'm ashamed to admit that I do envy people at times. Coworkers who take nice vacations, friends who buy the biggest and best new electronic gadgets, strangers who drive nice cars; but then, I go home - to my son and my husband and we sit down over yet another delicious and very inexpensive casserole I've concocted and we talk and laugh and truly enjoy each other. It is then that I am reminded again that it does not matter WHAT we have around us, it matters WHO we have around us. So, I will persevere, I will continue to remind myself that this feeling of helplessness and urgency will be the furthest thing from my mind when we reach our next destination and have our child in our arms.

A Little Winter Cuteness

My two favorite boys


Stuck in the snow



E's imitation of Ralphie from "A Christmas Story"



The snow was too deep to sled anywhere but in the driveway and yes, at I was at end to catch him so he didn't go flying into the road.



The face that makes me melt

Imagine......

Someone asked me the other day how it feels to wonder if your child is "out there" somewhere and how we handled waiting to bring E home once we had a name and face to associate to the little person that would become our son. I never really know what to say to things like that, especially to people that I don't have an intimate, personal relationship with. But, the truth is, I think about it every single day. The wait is hard enough, it's so frustrating and so difficult to know that your future and the future of your family hinges upon so many things that you cannot control. But now, having "been there, done that", I am finding it much, much harder than before to maintain any kind of emotional distance. Now that I have experienced the miracle that is adoption, now that I have been completely consumed by love for my son it absolutely breaks my heart to think about him having ever felt lonely, scared, unwanted or unloved. While I know that he probably has no active memory of his life before us, it still hurts to not know what he went through or how he felt. It hurts that I could not be there to hug, kiss and love him for that whole first year of his life. It makes it much harder this time around to know that our child, who quite possibly may already be born could be feeling some of those things. I worry, too, that because LP will have special needs that he or she has been shunned and left very much alone. Logically, I know this is probably not the case because I have been to the orphanage and witnessed the caregivers interact with the children - there is true compassion and love; but, at the same time, there are so many children that their time with each child is cut very short and the resources just are not available to provide extra special care to children that may need it.

Those of us who have kids know what goes into taking care of them and providing for them. Think about every single thing you do in an evening with your child, no matter how small and imagine not doing it. Imagine not knowing if you child had enough to eat or if they are feeling hunger pains. Imagine not knowing if they are wet or cold or sick. Imagine placing your child in a crib and walking away without just one more kiss and hug, one more "I love you". One of the great lessons learned through this process is never take anything for granted. I cherish every single smile and hug I get from little E and long for the day I can experience that with LP.

Who's LP?

One of the most challenging parts of the adoption process is not the neverending mountains of paperwork and scrambling to scrape together finances, it's not knowing who your child will be. Boy or girl, infant or toddler; and not knowing how long you'll wait to find out the answer to those questions. I suppose it's not so different from being pregnant except that being pregnant often answers the gender question and there's certainly a more definitive timeline. Rather than referring to our second child as "our next one", "our second one", "he/she", "our future baby", or any other generic term, we've decided to give him/her a temporary name - Little Peanut, or "LP" for short. So, cheesy as it may be, please bear with us - it helps maintain a little sanity around here.

Greetings

Hello from the Fenskes! This is my feeble attempt at posting to a blog for the first time. I'm sure all you blogger pros out there will have lots of suggestions for me (I hope).

I've started this blog for a variety of reasons. First and foremost we want to share our adoption journey with our loved ones. Last year we were incredibly blessed with our son, who was adopted at 12 months old from an orphanage in Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan. For those who know us and him, I don't need to tell you how much of a blessing he is to us. Our adoption experience, while not without struggles, was very smooth and very fast! The process also deeply impacted and changed us forever. Which is why we have decided to dive into the adoption waters yet again with the intention of adding another beautiful child to our family.

Another purpose of this blog is to share our story with as many people who want to hear it. This time, we plan to adopt a special needs child. There are roughly 150 million orphans around the world and sadly, less than 1% of those children will find forever families. Of the remaining 99%, many of those children have special needs. The fact of the matter is that a great deal of people who pursue international adoption request a healthy, infant girl.

Why special needs? I've been asked. During our brief visits to E's orphanage last year I saw so many wonderful children with minor to moderate, sometimes correctable and treatable medical conditions who sadly may have little hope of being adopted. These children are beautiful, intelligent and have just as much chance at having a normal, fulfilling life as any other child and I knew then that we would be proud to become parents to one of them.

Why now? Why don't you wait awhile? How can you afford it? These are all questions that have been raised by the very few people we've shared our plans with to date. This process could take up to 18 months or more. There is so much people don't realize is involved with international adoption (I'll save that for another post). The answer to the last question - we cannot afford it. I used to be horribly offended when people asked how much our adoption of E had cost. I guess that question doesn't phase me anymore and I will post later on about the detailed costs so that people can learn about what is involved. We have had to come to the realization that whether we pursue another adoption now or in five years or in ten years, we are going to have to put our pride aside and depend on the support and generosity of others to bring our baby home. We plan to embark on some fundraising this year and do some creative financing as well. Adoption is a complete leap of faith and we are trying to have faith that it will all work out somehow.