Fundraising......

I'm sure people are wondering how our big fundraiser went this weekend so I wanted to pop on briefly and share.

While we did not have the turnout we'd hoped in terms of numbers of people, we were incredibly blessed to have extremely generous guests who not only donated and bid on our silent auction items, but offered hugs, prayers and lots of support as well. To those who took time out of their busy schedules to join us on Sunday - Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Your presence and support meant more to us that you could know. For those who weren't able to join us but offered financial support anyway - we are grateful. And for those who perhaps took a moment out of their day to offer up a prayer on our behalf - we deeply appreciate you as well.

All told, our summer fundraising has brought in just over $5000 and has put us within reach of the halfway point to having the funds we need to bring our baby home. We will continue to scrimp and save and rack our brains for other creative fundraising ideas. Most of all, we will continue to pray and have faith that we are travelling the road God intended and that He will show us the way.

I wanted to share the video I made for the fundraiser. Perhaps it will offer some hope to a waiting family out there. The music is off "The Spirit of Adoption" CD (which can be easily purchased on Amazon.com) - I HIGHLY recommend this CD for waiting adoptive families - it has helped me through some tough spots.

Almost a month????

I cannot believe it has been almost a month since I last posted! Time sure does fly when you're drowning in paper!

It is now public knowledge that the Kyrgyzstan Embassy has changed dossier requirements. What this meant for us was redoing a good portion of our dossier, updating dates (because certain things now expire), getting a hold of new documents, having FBI clearances done and resubmitting the dossier for translation. We received our FBI clearances today - there's something oddly satisfying about seeing that "No arrest record" stamped across the page even though we were pretty darn sure that's how they'd come back! :)

We are currently one document shy of having a complete dossier. Once we get that in our hot, little hands it's off to the Secretary of State's office for a little authentication. After that's done and all of the translations are back, we will make many pounds of copies and ship everything off to our courier in DC for authentication at the Kyrgyz embassy. From there, le dossier will be on it's way to Kyrgyzstan!

It's shocking to me to look at our timeline and realize that we've already been at this for over three months. Last time I had our dossier assembled, authenticated and off to Kyrgyzstan about six weeks after we sent in our formal application. A few weeks later we had a referral and we were home with our little monkey a few months after that. While many parts of the process are easier this time (the waiting, the bumps in the road, the uncertainty), finding time to deal with all of the tediousness of it is much, much more difficult.

We had both of our large rummage sales over the last month and they were a success despite the recent flooding that prohibits a person from getting anywhere near our little town right now. We were so blessed by donations from friends, family, coworkers, and acquaintances - we thank you all and are truly grateful!!

We are gearing up for our Silent Auction Fundraiser this coming Sunday. Again, we have been overwhelmed with people's generosity and are thrilled that we have about 25 really amazing auction items! As far as funds, it's tough to see the bright side, but we sure try. We are about 1/3 of the way to having the money we need to bring our little angel home. Something deep inside reminds me that it will all work out because it has to. It did last time and we were able to bring E home, so I do have faith that it will work again and LP will join our family.

Infertility and Adoption

I don't really discuss this topic anymore, because quite honestly I thank God every day for our infertility. I cannot imagine my life without E and I cannot imagine any other journey to my children than adoption. Our infertility and the path we've chosen to take to our children has changed us profoundly and I think, made us stronger, more appreciative, more compassionate individuals and pretty great parents, too.

There was a time, however, when I struggled everyday. I hurt, and cried and asked "why me?" over and over again. I wanted to share this beautiful poem that someone posted on a group that I belong to. Perhaps it will touch someone else and help them work through the painful feelings infertility evokes; maybe it will even provide a little hope......

There are women that become mothers without effort. Without thought, without patience or loss. And though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him, and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense: that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a child I give birth to or a child that God Leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, morn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine and when life is beyond hard, I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

~Author Unknown

Money, money, money.....

People always ask "how much did he cost" or say "well....if you can afford it, great". While I kept close track in the beginning of E's adoption process, once you've gone over many tens of thousands of dollars, you stop keeping track. So, I've come up with a very accurate breakdown of our expected expenses. Let me set the record straight about 2 things - HE did not cost anything - the process did; and we cannot afford it because we're sitting on a mountain of cash, we work our tails off every single day and go without all of the things many people consider "necessities" because we love our children (even the ones we haven't met yet).

Here it is in a nutshell - of course, as is common in International Adoption, this could change at any time with no notice:

Agency fees: Home study, facilitation, post placement - $6500
USCIS: I600A, fingerprinting, citizenship paperwork - $1800
Dossier: Documents, translation, authentication, Embassy fees - $3300
Kyrgyzstan fees: Government fees, document preparation, facilitator, humanitarian aid, medical exam - $13,400
Travel: Airfare, lodging, food for 2 trips- $10,600
Total: $41,650

So far we have paid out $5000, leaving us with the daunting task of raising another $36,650. There are days, believe me, when it feels completely hopeless and impossible, but most days I feel like somehow we will make it happen. We have no choice - our child needs us!

Am I bitter? No, I honestly am not. Wouldn't it be great if it wasn't so expensive? Definitely! However, it is what it is. It is our life. It is our chosen path to our kids and we will walk it together with the help of loved ones (and sometimes even strangers). We will stumble and fall, but we will always pick each other back up. When that day comes that we meet LP for the first time, memories of the road travelled will be tucked away and in their place hopes and dreams for the future of our family will rest.

Happy Birthday Little Monkey!!!!

Here we are - E's 2nd birthday already. It's so hard to believe that an entire year has gone by. We had a very busy last week and weekend so I'm a little behind on posts - forgive me, please.

Last Wednesday, E had his EGD with biopsies of his stomach and upper intestines. The doctor said everything looked great and there were no obvious problems. He had suspected celiac disease or ulcers so we were very grateful to rule both of those things out. Remarkably, E gained just over 2 pounds since his last appointment in February. That's his biggest gain in that amount of time ever. The biopsies revealed an inflammatory response. In other words, a very generic diagnosis with a very easy trial treatment - Prevacid. We will see Mr. GI doc again in May to reweigh and reassess. For now, it looks like E is finally going to start gaining and catching up.

Here's our cutie on surgery day in his fashionable, teeny, tiny hospital gown:


Thursday, the 24th, was our family day - one year to the day that E joined our family. We started out by having a family portrait done and then had E's 2 year old pictures done - he was definitely less cooperative than last year, but we got some great shots.

April 24, 2007 - First Family Picture

April 24, 2008





After pictures, we had a nice lunch at the mall food court and went to the zoo for a couple of hours. We are lucky to have a really wonderful, small zoo nearby.




We ended the week on Saturday with a great birthday party! Cheetos, pizza and cake - how could the day NOT be great!!





Two years ago today, my little boy was born. I've looked back at my old calendar to try and figure out what I was doing, but to be honest, I don't really know. I guess it really doesn't matter much - the wheels were in motion whether we knew it or not. We were meant to share each others' lives and that's why we are together now. I've been thinking a lot about E's birth mom and wondering if she has thought of him today. I pray that whether or not she has, that she is living peacefully and I am grateful to her for choosing life for him.

Ramblings and a Prayer Request

We are day 2 into our week of "vacation". I have never in my life had a paid vacation, so this is pretty cool for me. We are feverishly working on cleaning house, garage, storage, etc., getting ready for our big rummage sales and fundraising event. We're also getting ready for E's 2nd birthday party this Saturday. Yes, despite my best intentions, I have gone terribly overboard with it all - I figure we have an extra year to make up for since this is his first party at home.

On the adoption front, fingerprints are done. Same 3 elderly security guards working the entrance of our local Department of Homeland Security office - funny little group of men! We were two of 4 people in the place which is drastically different from last time. I fed the meter for 2 hours and we were out in 15 minutes! Finally, a government process that doesn't take an entire day.

I also contacted USCIS regarding E's citizenship case as it has been just over 6 months since we filed the application. Our receipt letter stated that these cases were taking 6 months to process, so I figured I'd check into it. They are now beginning to process November applications, so E's should be rolling on (we filed in October). It takes 60 days from the beginning of processing to receive a ruling so that means we should hear something in the next month. YAY!!!!

Tomorrow will be a bit of a trying day for our family as E is sceduled for a minor surgical procedure at 9:00 a.m. Please keep him in your prayers that he sails through with no complications and very little discomfort. I am especially on edge about this whole thing in light of the events of 2 weeks ago. If all goes well we should be home by late afternoon or early evening.

I'll leave you with a little springtime fun:

THIS is WHY....

Our hearts have lead us to the path and we are fighting to find our way to our next child. This is an intimate look into the possible future life of a special needs orphan who does not find their forever family.

Click Here

Yes, this is the same country E is from and yes, this is real. Please take a moment to remind yourself how lucky you are and perhaps consider if there is anything you can do to help break the cycle and change some one's fate. I encourage you to read the Wright Family's Blog in it's entirety - they are an amazing group of people bringing a lot of good to a lot of people around the world.

Moving Right Along.....

Yesterday, we received our USCIS Biometrics Appointment Notification. We're due to be fingerprinted April 22 at 2:00p.m. This came as a huge shock, actually, because we just submitted our I600A a few weeks ago and haven't even sent in our homestudy yet. Strangely, April 22 last year was a very special day for us because we were in the air on our way to meet and bring home our precious, little boy! Coincidence?? Maybe, maybe not. We also just so happen to be on vacation next week so it really works out very well.

I have added a timeline to the sidebar so you can see which steps we've completed (and so I can keep track of these all important milestones). Now to get my hard-working hubby's hands in shape by next Tuesday so they are able to actually get prints. I think this time, I'll frisk him when we get out of the car - last time he inadvertently left a small knife in his pocket - not too cool when walking into the USCIS Center. I don't recall the guards being real impressed by that - we thought it was kind of funny, though.

Scariest Minutes of My Life

I have aged.....10 years at least in the last 2 days. Following a wonderful weekend of playing outside and having great fun, E developed a very low fever Sunday evening. He is cutting 2 year molars and was acting normal in every other way, so I did what I'd like to think most mom's would do - I gave him some Motrin and put him to bed.
At 3 a.m. we were awakened by one, strange cry - Moms, you know the one - it's not scared, hurt, angry or sad - it's that weird sound that you can't identify. We both got out of bed and found our little guy having a seizure in his crib. I consider myself pretty medically intelligent and quite level headed in the face of an emergency and I will tell you that I crumbled and completely lost my head. There is nothing that can describe the fear and the helplessness that goes through you at a time like that. I stood, sobbing and hysterical in the middle of my living room holding my baby and I had no clue what to do. His seizure lasted all of 2-3 minutes, but it was the next 30 that were even harder. He was totally limp and unresponsive, his pupils were dialated and fixed, he wouldn't look at anything or anyone or turn to sound or light, he wouldn't pull back when pinched. I still hear the loud moan he kept doing and it sends chills down my spine.

By the time we arrived via EMS at the hospital he was beginning to show some signs of life and within about 5 hours he was inching closer to normal; exhausted, but normal. We were admitted and it turns out he has influenza. Not "the flu" like everyone thinks with the stomach problems, real influenza - the one you get vaccinated for. He, like thousands of others, has the strain that was not in the vaccine this year. Really, there is nothing you can do, but treat the fevers and keep hydrated and ride it out, so that's what we are doing. The doctor expects a complete recovery in about 7-10 days and has given us about a 33% chance that we will see another seizure in the future if he has a strange infection or high fever.

I was, once again, amazed by the bravery and resilience of my little child. He put up with all the poking and prodding like a champ. He spent nearly 39 hours in that bed in my arms and didn't fuss a whole lot. In the very early morning hours today he was saying "done, done" as soon as a nurse walked in before she even started messing with him.

We are home now, showered, bathed, fed and E is resting comfortably. I'm not sure if I will be able to put him to bed tonight as if nothing ever happend - we'll see.

People may think I'm nuts, but yes, I took pictures of him - I figure moments are moments whether they're good, bad or otherwise and this was definitely a major occurrance in all of our lives. Here's my brave, little soldier:

I was trying to get his thumb out - after 5 trys, the only place they could get his IV was in his thumb-sucking hand - very upsetting for him!

(Don't mind scary-looking mommy)


Gettin a little daddy-love

Easter Cuteness

Well, E's first Easter was a smashing success! He really had a lot of fun, okay we had more fun and he didn't really care all that much, but it was a great day. He was excited to "find" his basket when he got up, was an angel in church and had a blast at Grandma and Grandpa's. Here's a few highlights:





And after the very long day......

Productivity is a Wonderful Thing

I've had a very productive 2 days. Took a snow day yesterday - no way, no how was I going through that hairy four-hour commute home again like during last month's big snowstorm. We got 14 inches yesterday and home was a very nice place to be snuggled up with my favorite little munchkin.

On the adoption front, I mailed off our I600A today with a big, fat check for the US Department of Homeland Security. Our new home study is not complete yet, but the application along with a letter of request and our birth certificates (which I originally forgot to include and noticed it about 2 hours later - gotta love small towns, the lady at the post office dug out the envelope and opened up again to let me come back and include them) will at least get us an appointment for fingerprinting. I'll send the home study next month or whenever our social worker completes it. Then, we sit back and wait for the coveted I171H.

We also got our donation request packets out to 35 area businesses for our silent auction in June. Hopefully we will get some great items donated.

We have an appointment with our social worker Sunday, April 6. She will do E's final post placement report and also our new home study. I cannot believe we're doing his last report already. Next month it will be one year that he's been with us and he also turn 2! We took a week of vacation for the same week we were in Bishkek last year and will do some fun family things that do not involve crazy foreign drivers, weird food, or really, really long plane trips! We're having a Curious George themed birthday party - his first one at home! His first birthday party was awesome, but a little subdued - it was just the three of us in a small hotel room at the Ak Keme in Bishkek and a tiny, little cake that I was too afraid to eat. E was a sport - I know that had to have been the most frightening week of his life, but he put up with us putting a hat on him, taking tons of pictures and he even tried to rip some of the paper off the presents. Here's a look back at birthday number 1:

Ready to Fly.....

YIKES! Don't tell me I've got another aviator on my hands - the stress will kill me!




Here's a cool picture we got a few weeks ago after the three of us went for a little walk outside:

WE'RE PREGNANT!!

Gotcha, didn't I?!

It's true, though, we ARE pregnant, just in a nontraditional sense. We just packed up our formal application packet with a very large check (thanks Uncle Sam) and our friends at FedEx will have it delivered to our agency by the end of the week. I guess this is how great it feels when you pee on that stick and see those two lines. I personally have not experienced that, but I'm sure it's just as wonderful as this is.

While we are thrilled and excited to move forward, we do so with trepidation. We have just enough funds to complete our application, INS advance processing and home study. This means, if we receive a referral in the next 4-6 months, we will not have the funds necessary to accept the child much less travel to bring him or her home. That scares the pants off us to say the least, yet at the same time our hearts and souls tell us this is the path we are to follow at this time.

We pray that with spring upon us our fundraising efforts will really take off and we humbly ask once again that you consider checking out some of our fundraisers (all of which can be found in the margins of this page) and of course, pass our web address on to all of your family and friends. You know the old saying "it takes a village to raise a child". In our case "it takes a village to bring ours home".

We hope to have more exciting updates in the very near future.

The Waiting........

I kind of forgot about the pain involved with this part of it. The endless waiting on other people to come through for you. Having to depend on someone who really could care less about your cause to do things that are vital to it's progress is exhausting. I am a self-proclaimed control freak and the thing about adoption is that you surrender all control to everything! A very wise adoptive mommy reminded me last week that this is OUR passion, it is not anyone else's. It is up to us and us alone to make it happen. The only control I have left is how I choose to react to our situation. That's a tough pill to swallow because today, I'm not real pleased with our situation.

The broker that is supposed to be working on our refinance has pretty much dropped off the face of the Earth and I suspect it is because she has found out that she cannot make good on the promises she made us. Our federal tax refund has not yet arrived so our formal application materials sit, all filled out, waiting to be mailed. Our appointment for our home study which was to occur in the next couple weeks has yet to be scheduled and no one seems real concerned about any of this.

To top it off, we've been dealing with some medical concerns with E and that is causing much anxiety and stress.

So, after a little pity party and some pouting, I have taken a few steps towards resolutions, I hope. We've contacted a new mortgage company who came highly recommended to help with exactly what we need. The broker is friendly, yet very much business (which I like) and while he is not as confident as the last one, I'm trying to remain positive that he will come up with a good deal for us. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that our tax refund will show up in our account any day now, of course, when it comes to the Feds, crossing your fingers is about all you can do. I'm sending off an email to our agency coordinator requesting an appointment as soon as possible. And, today, I decided to request our police clearances - one teeny, tiny, little piece of the dossier puzzle. Might as well start the hunting and gathering, right?

Tomorrow WILL be a better day!

Our Site Explained

It was brought to my attention that perhaps our site is a little confusing or misleading and I thought I'd try to clear things up.

In the center text area, you will find posts, pictures and any other ramblings I decide to include. This is my spot to just kind of open up, let my feelings/frustrations out and let you all know if there is anything new or exciting going on. These posts are arranged newest first, down to oldest and you can navigate to older posts using the Blog Archive to the right.

Along the right hand side you can a variety of great things. There is a poll you can vote in, links to Kyrgyzstan information, some other great blogs to check out, links to various adoption-related sites and links to exciting fundraisers we are currently conducting.

Please keep in mind that any fundraisers you choose to participate in provide a percentage of sales directly to our adoption fund. You may also visit our mall (see the link at the bottom of the page). The way the mall works is that anything you purchase from any store through our mall link nets a percentage directly into our adoption fund. Just about any store you could ever want is available in our mall and many times online orders can be shipped to the store nearest you for no charge, saving you shipping costs.

Lastly, if you or someone you know is interested in making a direct monetary contribution, it can be done through the "Chip In" button located to the right. Those of you that know me know that asking for money is not something I would normally be able to bring myself to do. The mere thought of it, makes me cringe. However, this is something I believe in with the deepest part of my heart and soul and therefore, I am humbly asking if you are able and feel compelled to donate to a cause, that you consider donating to our cause this year. We currently have just under half of what we need to reach our goal and must raise about $24,000.00 more. Please remember that the money we raise does not go to us, it is not profit, every penny helps and every penny we raise goes directly toward bringing another child out of poverty and into a better life.

I couldn't resist taking this quiz, too!

What type of Mother Hen Are You?
by Montessorimom.com: Educational Resource

Adoption News

Hmmm.....I wish there was some. This is a very difficult time for me as there is nothing we can currently do but wait. All those helpless feelings I had little more than a year ago are flooding back to join the already existing anxiety and fear that I feel. Fear that we will not "get in" before our agency's program closes to new applicants. Anxiety about who our child will be. Fear that we will never be able to raise the money we need to bring our baby home. Anxiety about what type of special need our child will have and whether I am really as prepared to handle it as I think I am.

We have notified both of our agencies that we are beginning the process again and for now, that is all we can do. In March, when our social worker visits to complete our final post placement report for E, she will also complete a new homestudy that we will use for LP's adoption. We are stuck right now, unable to file our formal application for the Kyrgyzstan program because that, like everything, costs money - money we just don't have right now. It makes me feel a little hopeless - if we don't even have the money to get started, how on Earth are we ever going to have the money to finish? Our taxes are sitting at the accountant waiting to be done and filed and as soon as we get our refund, we will file that formal application and get the ball rolling.

I shopped today and while I stood in the checkout examining every single (generic) item I purchased, wondering if I got the best deal I possibly could, digging through my coupon sorter to find just another 25 cents off, I looked around and noticed that so many people were buying so much "stuff" - a flat screen TV, name brand shampoo, expensive diapers, "stuff" that I wouldn't have thought twice about buying before and now could not possibly bring myself to indulge in. I'm ashamed to admit that I do envy people at times. Coworkers who take nice vacations, friends who buy the biggest and best new electronic gadgets, strangers who drive nice cars; but then, I go home - to my son and my husband and we sit down over yet another delicious and very inexpensive casserole I've concocted and we talk and laugh and truly enjoy each other. It is then that I am reminded again that it does not matter WHAT we have around us, it matters WHO we have around us. So, I will persevere, I will continue to remind myself that this feeling of helplessness and urgency will be the furthest thing from my mind when we reach our next destination and have our child in our arms.

A Little Winter Cuteness

My two favorite boys


Stuck in the snow



E's imitation of Ralphie from "A Christmas Story"



The snow was too deep to sled anywhere but in the driveway and yes, at I was at end to catch him so he didn't go flying into the road.



The face that makes me melt

Imagine......

Someone asked me the other day how it feels to wonder if your child is "out there" somewhere and how we handled waiting to bring E home once we had a name and face to associate to the little person that would become our son. I never really know what to say to things like that, especially to people that I don't have an intimate, personal relationship with. But, the truth is, I think about it every single day. The wait is hard enough, it's so frustrating and so difficult to know that your future and the future of your family hinges upon so many things that you cannot control. But now, having "been there, done that", I am finding it much, much harder than before to maintain any kind of emotional distance. Now that I have experienced the miracle that is adoption, now that I have been completely consumed by love for my son it absolutely breaks my heart to think about him having ever felt lonely, scared, unwanted or unloved. While I know that he probably has no active memory of his life before us, it still hurts to not know what he went through or how he felt. It hurts that I could not be there to hug, kiss and love him for that whole first year of his life. It makes it much harder this time around to know that our child, who quite possibly may already be born could be feeling some of those things. I worry, too, that because LP will have special needs that he or she has been shunned and left very much alone. Logically, I know this is probably not the case because I have been to the orphanage and witnessed the caregivers interact with the children - there is true compassion and love; but, at the same time, there are so many children that their time with each child is cut very short and the resources just are not available to provide extra special care to children that may need it.

Those of us who have kids know what goes into taking care of them and providing for them. Think about every single thing you do in an evening with your child, no matter how small and imagine not doing it. Imagine not knowing if you child had enough to eat or if they are feeling hunger pains. Imagine not knowing if they are wet or cold or sick. Imagine placing your child in a crib and walking away without just one more kiss and hug, one more "I love you". One of the great lessons learned through this process is never take anything for granted. I cherish every single smile and hug I get from little E and long for the day I can experience that with LP.

Who's LP?

One of the most challenging parts of the adoption process is not the neverending mountains of paperwork and scrambling to scrape together finances, it's not knowing who your child will be. Boy or girl, infant or toddler; and not knowing how long you'll wait to find out the answer to those questions. I suppose it's not so different from being pregnant except that being pregnant often answers the gender question and there's certainly a more definitive timeline. Rather than referring to our second child as "our next one", "our second one", "he/she", "our future baby", or any other generic term, we've decided to give him/her a temporary name - Little Peanut, or "LP" for short. So, cheesy as it may be, please bear with us - it helps maintain a little sanity around here.